Dear Mom,
Here we are right now sitting downstairs on this New Years Eve watching Animal Planet's Too Cute! Puppies. Today was definitely different from yesterday. We got up and had breakfast. I went back to relax a little, then got up. I wanted to go to the grocery store to get some sparkling grape juice. We always celebrate with that. When I told you I was thinking of going out, you asked if you could come because you didn't want to just stay at home. Of course I was planning on you coming with me. Then I also prepared myself for the next question...you of course asked if Bella could come. So we all got ready and got in the car. I went to get ice cream, which was buy one get one free. Then I ran into my friend Diane. We have known each other since I was in Elementary, you also know the family well, but when I mentioned to you that I saw her you didn't remember her. She was there shopping with her two gorgeous kids. We talked for a little bit, then her little 3 year old started getting a little restless, so we wished each other a Happy New Year and both went to finish our shopping. I found the sparkling grape juice and they were 2 for $6, so of course I HAD to get two! Then I just thought I would look at the cereal, I don't normally get it from the grocery store because it's too expensive. But they had my favorite, Special K with chocolate bits, for 2 for $5! Yay! Then I finally went to go check out. There were a lot of people in the store, but I went to self checkout and didn't have to wait long at all. When I got back to the car, I teased you that your people were in the store buying up the black eyed peas and collard greens. You just gave me a look, but I reminded you that when pappy was alive that was what you always did. We went one other place, then headed back home. I had cereal and you had your peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You went to get your bath and get your pj's on, and I went to play with the Wii. You came down a little later to watch me. We had a few good laughs then. You kept saying that you were hungry, but I told you you could go get another pb&j sandwich, even though you already had one. It was only 4:30 and I wanted to wait until at least 5:30. So you went up to get your sandwich, which I found out later was ice cream, or maybe you had the sandwich and ice cream. Tsk tsk! Lol Well, I got dinner ready and we ate. You went from sitting in the living room to being in bed, then after getting some dessert coming down here as I stated earlier. I was getting my last calories of 2011 in, and I knew you would want some more dessert. So I told you it was out in the kitchen. You asked me which way to go, which I thought sounded quite funny the way you said it, so I pretended to "guide" you to the cookies and then the ice cream. We were both cracking up by that point, then you said you really had to use the bathroom now. That made us both laugh even more. I told you that you make me laugh, and you said again as you have so often....it's good that we can laugh together. You're upstairs now, I'm going to take Bella out and head up with you to get ready to ring in the New Year. Glad we had a good day, glad for our laughter and enjoyment before we bring in the New Year. I want to treasure this because who knows what this year may bring. I'm going to try to keep a positive outlook, even though being a caregiver of a person with Alzheimer's is hard to keep that positive because I know things could get worse this year. BUT...that is not going to be my focus. My focus is going to be on enjoying each moment with you! So thankful for another year together and pray for many more. Hey maybe this will be the year for a cure for this awful disease...who knows, I'll just keep praying. Well, Happy New Year!! I love you!!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
....A....Day....
Dear Mom,
What a day! It started fine. I got up, took Bella out, got clothes out on the curb for Hartsprings, got back in bed for a little bit, then we got up and had breakfast. Just as we were finishing up, the homemaker/companion came. I was just about to wash the dishes, but she offered to do it, which was nice. You ended up going into your room somehow, so when she was done, I ended up getting stuck listening to her talk for just about 2 hours straight! This is only her third day here, and she is very nice, but all she has seemed to do each time is talk...lots!! You kept looking in the kitchen from your room and waving at me. I think you were trying to get me to tell her to leave. You even came in at one point and said, "OK, come on, Stacey, we need to go." Then you winked at me. I asked you where we were going to go, you said you didn't know, but we always went somewhere. The only thing is we couldn't just leave, she was here for you! That's when I started to struggle. I was dying in the kitchen, trying to hold Bella as she kept squirming trying to get to the homemaker, or at least just keep her eyes on her. She was whimpering and panting and constantly moving, and the homemaker was just constantly talking, and then you were in your room waving and looking into the kitchen. I was pretty much ready to scream. I tried to tell you to come in the kitchen, but you wouldn't, but you were still getting impatient. Then there was a little reprieve when there was a knock at the door. When I went to answer it, it was one of your old friend, Bea, who came to see you. I wasn't sure if you would remember her. I told you to come into the kitchen because a friend was here to see you. You came in and I asked if you remembered her, your eyes brightened and you said you did. You gave her and her sister or friend...not quite sure, a hug. Then you invited them to come sit in the living room. She asked if you remembered her sisters, again you said you did, and she told you they were out in the car. You told her to have them come in. She went to get them and they came in. You again hugged and were happy to see them. They asked you questions about some of the things you all used to do or where you used to work, but you told them you didn't remember. They didn't stay for long, Bella was going a little nuts trying to see all of them. She was so excited, she doesn't get much company, so she didn't know which direction to even go. It was almost just a tad funny. They left and I ended up sitting back in the kitchen listening to more of whatever this girl was talking about. I kept watching the clock because I knew she should be leaving soon. Finally she did get up to call and check out. So I took Bella outside so she wouldn't go too crazy when she left. She ended up coming to try to say goodbye to Bella, which made her of course get hyper again. When she left, you asked me where we were going to go. I had no plan to go anywhere, but if you want to go out, I try to take you. There are only 3 days left of my break to take you out. So, I planned to just go get some stockings from one of my favorite stores. So we got ready to go. I got Bella's treat ready for her and gave it to her so we could leave. As she was enjoying her treat, you started complaining that we weren't taking her. I told you she can't always come with us. I wasn't even really planning on going anywhere, she would be fine for a few minutes. But you started getting a little bothered, so it got me bothered. I decided there was no reason to go anywhere if you were just going to sit in the car, but you seemed to get a little sulky. So I grabbed Bella up away from her treat and started to head out to the car. I think that made you happy. We got in the car, Bella got on your lap and we went to the store. You and Bella stayed in the car of course and I went in. And wouldn't you know they were having a 60% off sale. So I took a little longer than originally planned, but I also just needed to have a moment to myself to calm myself. I got my things, came out, and poor Bella just seemed ready to get out of the car. We got back home and I went downstairs to let off a little steam by playing the Wii. After a little while mom came down too. After playing the Wii, we watched some TV. Things seemed to calm down in my mind finally and the rest of the day went by well. I don't like getting so bothered, I feel so guilty because I know you can't help it. So, I'm sorry. I have been praying about it, and I'm working on it. So thankful the Lord knows, and understands and will help me. I do love you so!
What a day! It started fine. I got up, took Bella out, got clothes out on the curb for Hartsprings, got back in bed for a little bit, then we got up and had breakfast. Just as we were finishing up, the homemaker/companion came. I was just about to wash the dishes, but she offered to do it, which was nice. You ended up going into your room somehow, so when she was done, I ended up getting stuck listening to her talk for just about 2 hours straight! This is only her third day here, and she is very nice, but all she has seemed to do each time is talk...lots!! You kept looking in the kitchen from your room and waving at me. I think you were trying to get me to tell her to leave. You even came in at one point and said, "OK, come on, Stacey, we need to go." Then you winked at me. I asked you where we were going to go, you said you didn't know, but we always went somewhere. The only thing is we couldn't just leave, she was here for you! That's when I started to struggle. I was dying in the kitchen, trying to hold Bella as she kept squirming trying to get to the homemaker, or at least just keep her eyes on her. She was whimpering and panting and constantly moving, and the homemaker was just constantly talking, and then you were in your room waving and looking into the kitchen. I was pretty much ready to scream. I tried to tell you to come in the kitchen, but you wouldn't, but you were still getting impatient. Then there was a little reprieve when there was a knock at the door. When I went to answer it, it was one of your old friend, Bea, who came to see you. I wasn't sure if you would remember her. I told you to come into the kitchen because a friend was here to see you. You came in and I asked if you remembered her, your eyes brightened and you said you did. You gave her and her sister or friend...not quite sure, a hug. Then you invited them to come sit in the living room. She asked if you remembered her sisters, again you said you did, and she told you they were out in the car. You told her to have them come in. She went to get them and they came in. You again hugged and were happy to see them. They asked you questions about some of the things you all used to do or where you used to work, but you told them you didn't remember. They didn't stay for long, Bella was going a little nuts trying to see all of them. She was so excited, she doesn't get much company, so she didn't know which direction to even go. It was almost just a tad funny. They left and I ended up sitting back in the kitchen listening to more of whatever this girl was talking about. I kept watching the clock because I knew she should be leaving soon. Finally she did get up to call and check out. So I took Bella outside so she wouldn't go too crazy when she left. She ended up coming to try to say goodbye to Bella, which made her of course get hyper again. When she left, you asked me where we were going to go. I had no plan to go anywhere, but if you want to go out, I try to take you. There are only 3 days left of my break to take you out. So, I planned to just go get some stockings from one of my favorite stores. So we got ready to go. I got Bella's treat ready for her and gave it to her so we could leave. As she was enjoying her treat, you started complaining that we weren't taking her. I told you she can't always come with us. I wasn't even really planning on going anywhere, she would be fine for a few minutes. But you started getting a little bothered, so it got me bothered. I decided there was no reason to go anywhere if you were just going to sit in the car, but you seemed to get a little sulky. So I grabbed Bella up away from her treat and started to head out to the car. I think that made you happy. We got in the car, Bella got on your lap and we went to the store. You and Bella stayed in the car of course and I went in. And wouldn't you know they were having a 60% off sale. So I took a little longer than originally planned, but I also just needed to have a moment to myself to calm myself. I got my things, came out, and poor Bella just seemed ready to get out of the car. We got back home and I went downstairs to let off a little steam by playing the Wii. After a little while mom came down too. After playing the Wii, we watched some TV. Things seemed to calm down in my mind finally and the rest of the day went by well. I don't like getting so bothered, I feel so guilty because I know you can't help it. So, I'm sorry. I have been praying about it, and I'm working on it. So thankful the Lord knows, and understands and will help me. I do love you so!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Sometimes I Wonder
Dear Mom,
Today is pappy's birthday. He would have been 78. I don't think you remembered at all, but I didn't want to bring it up because I didn't want you to be more sad. You have seemed pretty sad lately at some points. It breaks my heart to see you that way. But I have been very sad, too this holiday season. It's just hard not to really be able to share it with you. Christmas night we did sit in the living room for a little while with the tree lit and Bella in between us, just enjoying some time together, and talking a little about pappy. You said you were thinking of him and were sad. I told you, as I have told you many other times, it was OK to cry. I was. I just rested my head on your shoulder, and we sat that way for a while. I gave you a kiss on the cheek and told you how much I loved you. I can't help but wonder sometimes what things would be like if he were still here. And not only just if he were here, but if he were here and healthy. He wasn't healthy before he passed away, but before the leukemia and diabetes took over his body he was the strongest, most healthy man I knew. He probably could have lived to a good age. How different would things be? Would the cars and care of the cars be different/better? Would the house inside and out look different? Would things that are broken already be fixed? Would you even be suffering with this disease if he were still here? Would you be struggling as much getting around, or would you have been spending time with him, getting out, walking and talking with people, still active? Would you still have been teaching Sunday School? One thing I know would have been different....we definitely NEVER would have had our sweet little Bella. Pappy would never have allowed that! You wouldn't have either, but you were a little easier to convince than he ever would have been. It is hard to have him gone, especially around this time of year. So many memories and thoughts going through my mind. But he wasn't well, he was sick and getting very weak. It was breaking my heart how weak he seemed to be getting. So, although I know we both miss him tremendously, I would never want him to have to continue on in that pain and weakness he had been dealing with here on earth. He is in a much better place and thankfully no longer in pain. So today, instead of just wondering what could be or could have been, I'll just celebrate this wonderful man...your husband of 36 years, and the man I loved and called my pappy. Happy Birthday, Pappy, miss you! Love you, pappy, and love you mom! So thankful for you both!
Today is pappy's birthday. He would have been 78. I don't think you remembered at all, but I didn't want to bring it up because I didn't want you to be more sad. You have seemed pretty sad lately at some points. It breaks my heart to see you that way. But I have been very sad, too this holiday season. It's just hard not to really be able to share it with you. Christmas night we did sit in the living room for a little while with the tree lit and Bella in between us, just enjoying some time together, and talking a little about pappy. You said you were thinking of him and were sad. I told you, as I have told you many other times, it was OK to cry. I was. I just rested my head on your shoulder, and we sat that way for a while. I gave you a kiss on the cheek and told you how much I loved you. I can't help but wonder sometimes what things would be like if he were still here. And not only just if he were here, but if he were here and healthy. He wasn't healthy before he passed away, but before the leukemia and diabetes took over his body he was the strongest, most healthy man I knew. He probably could have lived to a good age. How different would things be? Would the cars and care of the cars be different/better? Would the house inside and out look different? Would things that are broken already be fixed? Would you even be suffering with this disease if he were still here? Would you be struggling as much getting around, or would you have been spending time with him, getting out, walking and talking with people, still active? Would you still have been teaching Sunday School? One thing I know would have been different....we definitely NEVER would have had our sweet little Bella. Pappy would never have allowed that! You wouldn't have either, but you were a little easier to convince than he ever would have been. It is hard to have him gone, especially around this time of year. So many memories and thoughts going through my mind. But he wasn't well, he was sick and getting very weak. It was breaking my heart how weak he seemed to be getting. So, although I know we both miss him tremendously, I would never want him to have to continue on in that pain and weakness he had been dealing with here on earth. He is in a much better place and thankfully no longer in pain. So today, instead of just wondering what could be or could have been, I'll just celebrate this wonderful man...your husband of 36 years, and the man I loved and called my pappy. Happy Birthday, Pappy, miss you! Love you, pappy, and love you mom! So thankful for you both!
Monday, December 26, 2011
My Favorite Memory
Dear Mom,
We had a wonderful Christmas yesterday! There was so much that we did that I will share later, but right now I just had to post this! I loved watching you and Bella open your gifts, it made me smile so much! I was taking pictures and decided to take a couple of videos, too. This is my favorite memory from yesterday, and I am so glad I got it on video. Bella had opened one of her gifts and was having a great time with it. As we were watching her, some jazzy song came on the Holiday music channel we were listening too, and the result was this great video. You are probably going to be so embarrassed that I am showing this, but it is too cute! I hope anyone who sees it will enjoy it as much as I do! I love this!!!! And I love you!
We had a wonderful Christmas yesterday! There was so much that we did that I will share later, but right now I just had to post this! I loved watching you and Bella open your gifts, it made me smile so much! I was taking pictures and decided to take a couple of videos, too. This is my favorite memory from yesterday, and I am so glad I got it on video. Bella had opened one of her gifts and was having a great time with it. As we were watching her, some jazzy song came on the Holiday music channel we were listening too, and the result was this great video. You are probably going to be so embarrassed that I am showing this, but it is too cute! I hope anyone who sees it will enjoy it as much as I do! I love this!!!! And I love you!
Friday, December 23, 2011
What's Yours is Yours and What's Hers is Yours Apparently...
Dear Mom,
Yes, we celebrated Bella's birthday yesterday. We got her cake from Leaps and Bones, which makes wonderful goodies for dogs. They use all natural ingredients. I love that place. Bella loves their goodies, and oddly enough...so do you! Her cake was I think carob and some other ingredients, then had frosting on top and some type of seeds spread around the side.
I cut the cake into pieces, so I could give Bella small pieces each night the next few nights. We had our dessert with her. As we were cleaning up, I noticed your mouth was full again. I asked what you were eating, I thought you had already finished your ice cream and cupcake. Of course you had, that's why we were cleaning up. So you apparently figured you would also give Bella's cake a try and stuffed one of the pieces in your mouth. Wow, now I have to have a new plan of action when I get things from Leaps and Bones. You ate one of her apple turnovers a couple of months ago and now you were eating her cake. I'll have to buy a couple and be sure to at least hide one for Bella if you're going to eat them from her. You were definitely enjoying it! I guess that's what grandma's do sometimes. At least it's healthy. :)Love you!
Yes, we celebrated Bella's birthday yesterday. We got her cake from Leaps and Bones, which makes wonderful goodies for dogs. They use all natural ingredients. I love that place. Bella loves their goodies, and oddly enough...so do you! Her cake was I think carob and some other ingredients, then had frosting on top and some type of seeds spread around the side.
I cut the cake into pieces, so I could give Bella small pieces each night the next few nights. We had our dessert with her. As we were cleaning up, I noticed your mouth was full again. I asked what you were eating, I thought you had already finished your ice cream and cupcake. Of course you had, that's why we were cleaning up. So you apparently figured you would also give Bella's cake a try and stuffed one of the pieces in your mouth. Wow, now I have to have a new plan of action when I get things from Leaps and Bones. You ate one of her apple turnovers a couple of months ago and now you were eating her cake. I'll have to buy a couple and be sure to at least hide one for Bella if you're going to eat them from her. You were definitely enjoying it! I guess that's what grandma's do sometimes. At least it's healthy. :)Love you!
7 Years and Counting
Dear Mom,
Don't get confused, I know just 3 days ago I had 3 years and counting as the title. Well, that was for how long Bella has been with us/our family. But the 7 years is the number of years our sweet Bella has been alive. Yes, she is 7 years old today. We had a nice day! We went to Evergreen Walk. We had to head to Leaps and Bones so we could get Bella's cake for her birthday. She loves the wonderful things they have at that store and she loves their cakes. We walked around a bit, but not long after you were ready to go back to the car. We walked back and made sure you got in, then Bella and I did some more walking. I couldn't get her to stop. She loves being there, walking around, seeing the people, going into some of the stores, enjoying the smells, and getting noticed. There were a few people that wanted to pet her, and she indulged them each for a few seconds a piece. She really just wanted to be roaming around sniffing everything. She was having a great time and did not want to get back in the car yet. Finally I was able to get her to come back to the car and we were able to head home. Not long after we got home, your brother, Junie came over to see you. Bella loved that, she was able to sit on his lap the entire time, getting more spoiled than she already is. And of course she was very unhappy when he had to leave. After my class tonight, we sang to Bella and gave her part of her cake. We had ice cream and cupcakes to join in the celebration with her. She was definitely spoiled today, but isn't that pretty much how it is everyday? I think so! Fun times! Good memories! Love you!
Don't get confused, I know just 3 days ago I had 3 years and counting as the title. Well, that was for how long Bella has been with us/our family. But the 7 years is the number of years our sweet Bella has been alive. Yes, she is 7 years old today. We had a nice day! We went to Evergreen Walk. We had to head to Leaps and Bones so we could get Bella's cake for her birthday. She loves the wonderful things they have at that store and she loves their cakes. We walked around a bit, but not long after you were ready to go back to the car. We walked back and made sure you got in, then Bella and I did some more walking. I couldn't get her to stop. She loves being there, walking around, seeing the people, going into some of the stores, enjoying the smells, and getting noticed. There were a few people that wanted to pet her, and she indulged them each for a few seconds a piece. She really just wanted to be roaming around sniffing everything. She was having a great time and did not want to get back in the car yet. Finally I was able to get her to come back to the car and we were able to head home. Not long after we got home, your brother, Junie came over to see you. Bella loved that, she was able to sit on his lap the entire time, getting more spoiled than she already is. And of course she was very unhappy when he had to leave. After my class tonight, we sang to Bella and gave her part of her cake. We had ice cream and cupcakes to join in the celebration with her. She was definitely spoiled today, but isn't that pretty much how it is everyday? I think so! Fun times! Good memories! Love you!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Oh Mom
Dear Mom,
You gave me a bit of a rough time tonight. I know I shouldn't take it the wrong way, but I wasn't very happy with you. We had a great day, enjoying some time at the mall. I knew you would like to get out and you could sit and watch people while I did a little shopping. I found a place near the little train that kids can ride and across the way from Santa. I figured you would enjoy sitting and watching those things. I got a couple of things for you, then came back to get you. We went across the way to look at the new cupcake bakery. I had to get some for us! You wanted the princess one with pink frosting. We walked a little more, then I let you sit again, as I checked out another place. We finally got ready to go, I asked you if you wanted to eat out or get something and bring it home. You said you just wanted to bring something home. It was after 3 at that time, so that was fine. I figured we could go to Sonics. I had some coupons, but when I got in the car and looked for them, I realized I had taken them out because Uncle Cephus was working on the car. So I had taken some things out of it. I was disappointed, but still just decided to just go there. Foolishly when I got there I not only got our meals, but for some odd reason also decided to get ice cream sundaes for us. We already had the cupcakes and didn't need the ice cream, but I ordered it. We got home and ate. We had our ice cream sundaes right after so they wouldn't melt or get too hard in the freezer. We enjoyed it. But it was only a bit after 4 when we ate, so I knew you would end up wanting something else later. You have been eating a lot lately. At about 7:30 when I was in the living room trying to get a little nap in, you were in there too, but you woke me up by saying you were going to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I should have just let you do that, but I wanted you to have something healthier. I told you you could/should have the rest of the roasted veggies I had made the other day. You really liked them! I put them in the oven for you, but of course you didn't want them. I had gone back into the living room to relax when I heard you rummaging. When I asked you what you were doing you said you were just getting one of those things. I jumped up and went into the kitchen to see you chomping on a cupcake, and not even the one that you wanted. You were eating the eggnog cupcake that I only bought one of because I didn't know if I would like it, but wanted to try it. I tried to tell you to put it back and to eat something better first. You just kept pushing me away and putting into your mouth faster and said you were already eating it and it was too late. That really got to me, I ended up taking the rest of the cupcakes and even the ice cream and brought them downstairs, that way you couldn't try to sneak something else later. You were in the kitchen about 9:30, but I didn't even worry since I had brought everything downstairs, I didn't need to worry about you having more sugar. A little while ago, I got you to bed, and of course you have forgotten all about it. I am working on doing that too. It's really not that bad, I guess, but it just really got to me tonight. I still love you, but I don't want you to end up sick from eating too many sweets. Of course if I didn't buy them then you wouldn't. As I said before, I'm still learning! Lots to learn! Well, I love you! Sleep well!
You gave me a bit of a rough time tonight. I know I shouldn't take it the wrong way, but I wasn't very happy with you. We had a great day, enjoying some time at the mall. I knew you would like to get out and you could sit and watch people while I did a little shopping. I found a place near the little train that kids can ride and across the way from Santa. I figured you would enjoy sitting and watching those things. I got a couple of things for you, then came back to get you. We went across the way to look at the new cupcake bakery. I had to get some for us! You wanted the princess one with pink frosting. We walked a little more, then I let you sit again, as I checked out another place. We finally got ready to go, I asked you if you wanted to eat out or get something and bring it home. You said you just wanted to bring something home. It was after 3 at that time, so that was fine. I figured we could go to Sonics. I had some coupons, but when I got in the car and looked for them, I realized I had taken them out because Uncle Cephus was working on the car. So I had taken some things out of it. I was disappointed, but still just decided to just go there. Foolishly when I got there I not only got our meals, but for some odd reason also decided to get ice cream sundaes for us. We already had the cupcakes and didn't need the ice cream, but I ordered it. We got home and ate. We had our ice cream sundaes right after so they wouldn't melt or get too hard in the freezer. We enjoyed it. But it was only a bit after 4 when we ate, so I knew you would end up wanting something else later. You have been eating a lot lately. At about 7:30 when I was in the living room trying to get a little nap in, you were in there too, but you woke me up by saying you were going to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I should have just let you do that, but I wanted you to have something healthier. I told you you could/should have the rest of the roasted veggies I had made the other day. You really liked them! I put them in the oven for you, but of course you didn't want them. I had gone back into the living room to relax when I heard you rummaging. When I asked you what you were doing you said you were just getting one of those things. I jumped up and went into the kitchen to see you chomping on a cupcake, and not even the one that you wanted. You were eating the eggnog cupcake that I only bought one of because I didn't know if I would like it, but wanted to try it. I tried to tell you to put it back and to eat something better first. You just kept pushing me away and putting into your mouth faster and said you were already eating it and it was too late. That really got to me, I ended up taking the rest of the cupcakes and even the ice cream and brought them downstairs, that way you couldn't try to sneak something else later. You were in the kitchen about 9:30, but I didn't even worry since I had brought everything downstairs, I didn't need to worry about you having more sugar. A little while ago, I got you to bed, and of course you have forgotten all about it. I am working on doing that too. It's really not that bad, I guess, but it just really got to me tonight. I still love you, but I don't want you to end up sick from eating too many sweets. Of course if I didn't buy them then you wouldn't. As I said before, I'm still learning! Lots to learn! Well, I love you! Sleep well!
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