Friday, March 23, 2012

Spring Break and a Scare

Dear Mom,

Today was my last day of school ( a half day at that!) before spring break!  I have been so ready for this day to come and go!  With all the busy, craziness of the past few weeks, this has been long overdue!  This morning I left for work with you sitting on the edge of the bed, getting your clothes on.  You hadn't gotten up and walked around yet, but it was getting later and I needed to head to school.  The homemaker/companion would be coming later.  So, I left you there and went to school.  I think we were all tired, so it was a weird morning.  I was ready to be done with the day and onto spring break.  Well, the end of the day came quicker than I expected.  We got through our subjects and we were just about to start our reading time, when I got a call from Keep Me Home.  They said the homemaker/companion had been knocking and ringing for about a half hour, but you never came to the door.  They just wanted to check and see if everything was OK.  Well, that got my heart pumping and I was quite awake by that point.  I didn't want to scare the kids, so I just told them they could head back to their classroom and read there and I wished them a wonderful spring break.  I went to the office to let them know I was leaving, then made the trek home.  It is a 25-30 min. drive that seemed to take hours today as I just tried to get home to check on you.  When I finally got home, I burst into the house and there you were still sitting on the edge of the bed.  You had your top on as you did when I left, but you hadn't pulled your pants all the way up and you were leaning over to the side a little bit with the walker in front of you.  When I asked what was wrong, you just told me you hurt all over.  I was finally able to get you up and to the bathroom, while I changed the bed.  You seemed to not even realize until I got you up that the bed was so wet.  I washed you up a little and got a change of clothes.  When you were finally able to get up you wanted to go sit in the living room.  So, I helped you in there.  You kept asking me if I was going back to church.  I told you I was at school and no, I wasn't going back because I couldn't leave you by yourself.  Plus it was only a half day anyway.  You seem to be a little better, you got up and went to the bathroom on your own a little earlier, though you had a mishap that I had to clean up.  You tried to do it yourself, but didn't quite do it.  I got the rest of it.  Now you're relaxing in bed waiting for me to bring Bella to bed.  We're coming now.  I'm praying for you and we will be making a doctor visit next week, since it's my spring break.  A bit of a scary way to start my spring break.  I had to remind myself several times on the way home to be calm and just trust.  The Lord helped me to do that, though there were some weak moments when I really did think the worst.  Thankfully the Lord would bring my mind back to keeping calm and trusting.  But, it is spring break, so we will have some time to spend together this week!  I'm looking forward to it!  I'm so glad you are OK.  You had me worried there for a bit!!  Praying for you!  Love you!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Always Changing

Dear Mom,

It's officially spring, although it feels like officially summer with temperatures in the 80's today!  I know many people love that, but it's a little warm for me.  Recess wasn't bad, but when I took Bella out this afternoon I was dying. :)  The weather isn't all that is changing.  If you remember we had our bout of sickness a few weeks ago.  After that, you were doing much better.  I hadn't had to change your bed for about a week.  You weren't complaining and your spirits were up.  Saturday I had to proctor an SAT Prep class from 9-1.  You and Bella did fine at home while I was gone.  I think you thought it was just a regular school day.  I shouldn't tell you, but I even went to get my nails done...yes, sorry without you this time.  By the time I left the school, it was later than I planned and I wasn't sure if our friend Chucky was coming over to have me sign some papers.  He bought my Camry from me, but we still had paper work to get done to finalize everything.  His mom told me that he was fixing up my car for a man that is not expected to live long, but he needs and wants to have some transportation.  I thought that was great!  I told him I would probably be home by 4.  If I had tried to stop home, then go do our nails,  we would not have made it back on time.  I just made it back by about 4.  We didn't end up getting together until Monday night.  Oh well.  I stopped off at McDonald's before I came home and got dinner, and since it was St. Patrick's Day, I just  had to get Shamrock shakes for us! :)  We both enjoyed those very even told me I should go back out and get us a couple more, hahaha!  I was tempted to, believe me!  I got a good laugh about that.  Sunday you went to church and did well.  You even remembered to tell me that your pastor was going to be going away this week.  I was pretty impressed about that.  You were doing well, I did end up having to change the bed again a couple mornings in a row, which was strange to get used to since you had gone so long without me having to change it.  You have been getting up earlier lately.  I'm not sure if you hear my alarm and get up or if you are up before then.  When my alarm goes off I snooze it a couple of times before I get up, but your TV is usually on when I walk by your room.  Monday you didn't have the TV on, and you didn't seem your usual self, or should I just say the self that you were for the past week.  You started complaining again that you hurt all over, you hadn't complained about that in a while.  Then one morning right when I was on my way out the door to head to school, you were a little whiny and said you couldn't find your glasses.  They weren't in the case you had on the dresser.  I took my coat off so I could look around, but you were right in the way of where I needed to look.  I was getting a little frustrated, because you were just sitting there kind of sulking, so I told you that I couldn't look for them properly because you were sitting in the way.  You moved and I looked around a little more, finally I found them in a different case on the floor under a little table by your bed.  I brought them out to you, then you were kinda whiny and grunting trying to get your sneakers on.  I sighed and helped you put them on.  It's been hard between school and here with you.  I think part of the frustration has been that I have had to sub an awful lot this year.  I really don't like subbing at all!  It makes me very uncomfortable, and it's not fair to my students.  So, it has been tough, but I can't tell you about it because you won't understand.  So, I just have to deal with it.  Then twice this week you looked at me and commented on how big my stomach is, saying that I looked pregnant!  Ugh, I know that you don't mean it, and most times I am OK about it, but one night when you said it, I went to my room and just had to cry it out.  It hurts sometimes, especially when that is a desire.  Yesterday we had a half day of school.  I didn't want to get home too early because I didn't want to run into the companion.  She talks my ear off each time I'm home.  She doesn't clean or spend time with you when I'm home either.  Lately she has even taken to organizing/reorganizing the pantry and under the sink in the bathroom (that's a little personal).  I'm not OK with that, because I would rather her clean more and spend time with you.  I don't really think she is supposed to be doing things like that.  It bothers me that there is something sticky on the floor underneath you when I get home, but soap and cleaners and other things under the sink in the bathroom are moved around.  Plus, if she moves things around that is not helpful to you...or to me!  I am trying to get up the nerve to call Keep Me Home and ask for a different person.  It's hard for me, but I really think I need to.  So, I drove around for quite a while yesterday trying to avoid having to run into her.  That was a pain, I was tired and hungry, but I just stayed away until she was gone.  I even went to visit pappy's grave.  It was a beautiful day and I just spent a few minutes with him...I miss him!  I know you do, too!  When I finally did get home, I sat at the kitchen table eating my cereal as I always do after school.  You were sitting at the other end of the table watching TV.  At one point, I heard words from you that I have been hoping to avoid for a while longer.  You looked at me and said, "You're my sister, right?"  (heartbreak)  I said, "No, mom, you're my mother."  You didn't really say much and just went back to watching TV.  You have definitely been off this week.  I have been struggling this week .  I miss having you to talk to, especially about some of the school things.  Last Monday and Tuesday I ended up subbing, on Monday, for 1st and 2nd for about a half hour, then had my students for about an hour before I was asked to sub for 3rd and 4th.  Then last Tuesday I had to sub for K-4 and K-5.  The rest of the week I only had 1 student because the other one was sick.  Wednesday I had my girl, but my boy was sick, and Thursday and Friday, I had my boy, but my girl was sick.  Then this past Monday as I said I was in kindergarten again.  I have been trying to have the right attitude, and I love the kindergarten class, but I just don't like subbing much.    I am looking forward to spring break next week...and the end of the school year in hopes that things will be normal again.  Oh well.  Miss sharing stuff like this with you and getting your godly wisdom, but that's why I write these to helps.  Your daughter misses that part of you, but loves you dearly!  Love you!

Saturday, March 10, 2012

What a Difference a Week Makes!

Dear Mom,

Wow!!  What a difference from last week to this past week.  We went from being totally out of it, to pretty much back to normal.  We went from eating toast, chicken soup, and oatmeal, to eating normally.  It has been so nice to feel back to normal.  You have really been doing well.  Last week you struggled with accidents pretty much every morning.  This past week.....there were no accidents at all, not even days that I woke up late and got you up later, nothing...not one accident...all week!  I've gotten pretty spoiled.  You did struggle though, with the fact that I had to leave you each day.  You had gotten very used to me being home with you.  You also have been forgetting to take Bella out, because for that week you never had to.  The poor girl couldn't wait to go out when I got home.  You also got back to eating normally again.  My friend Angie had given us some pasta that she had made.  One night I fixed that with some rolls, every once in a while you try to be a little helpless, so after you saw me butter my roll you asked me, "Can you butter me?"  Well, you know how I am, so I put some butter on the knife and started to move it toward your hand, hee hee.  You pulled your hand back and started cracking!  Well, you asked me to butter you!   It was great to feel well enough to really laugh!  You have also definitely been back to eating your ice cream, too.  The week we were sick you never asked for any.  I didn't make a big deal about it when we were better.  I think you forgot about it for a while.  Well, this past Thursday, I got home from school and threw something in the trash.  As I opened it, I saw two cartons of ice cream in the trash.  Now don't worry it's not as bad as it seems, there were only a couple of spoonfuls left in one carton, and the other carton had already been half eaten.  But it's been great seeing you doing so well this week!  And it's nice for both of us to be able to feel back to normal...whatever that is, hee hee! I love you!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

And So It Came...

Dear Mom,

Yes, it came, no...not the snow, though that did come this week, too.  Sadly, I'm talking about.....the dreaded flu!  I was just recently thinking that we were seeming to have escaped it...then it came!  Monday morning as I was about to head to school you started throwing up a little.  It was just a little, so I didn't think much of it, and thought maybe I would still try to make it into school.  Then it happened again...and again...and again.  All day you were struggling from both ends.  It was not pretty.  I pretty much did laundry all day Monday.  I was starting to run out of towels and your pj's.  Thankfully, the washer and dryer never gave out on me, so I kept up with it OK.  It was a long, busy day.  You wouldn't remember to put the bucket in front of you when you needed to throw up, so that's where it got tough.  And no matter how much I would try to remind you, you didn't remember.  I was just praying for Tuesday to come, because I figured if it was a 24 thing, then you would be done.  Then we could just try to get you feeling better.  Then....Tuesday came, with a whole new bag of tricks.  That's when I started with it all...ugh!  That was another long day!  I was back and forth in the bathroom, and still trying to help you feel better.  Here it is Thursday night and we are getting better, but still have a little of the symptoms left.  Never imagined it would be this long!  The morning has been the hardest because during the night you have unknowingly been going to the bathroom as you have before, but now it's with part of the sickness still affecting you.  So, with my stomach already queasy and smells much more prevalent, with a greater chance of making me sick, it has been hard to change the bed in the morning.  The Lord has shown His grace and blessings through it all, though!  I am continually thankful that we did not get sick at the same time.  The Lord knows we only have one bathroom, and when you were sick, you would go in...and stay in.  You would fall asleep and be totally wiped out, many times I felt bad bothering you, so a couple of times you were in the bathroom for an hour or more.  That would not have worked if we were both sick at the same time.  A few times I would have to lift you or help you up from wherever you were seated because you didn't have strength to get up.  If I had been sick at that same time, that probably wouldn't have worked either.  The Lord also knew this was coming because He had me buy lots of groceries on Saturday, so we were good with that.  Then your pastor and our neighbor have been taking great care of us with homemade chicken soup, grape gatorade which you love (who knew, never thought you would like gatorade), gingerale, and clorox wipes.  We have been well taken care of!  And slowly we're getting better.  I'm not up to going to school tomorrow either, so I'll be home with you another day.  And maybe we'll be eating more than just toast and chicken soup soon!  I'm sorry that you have had a tough week, but boy, it once again just shows me how strong you are!  You constantly amaze me!  You have had some understandably very weak moments (such as the moment that you scared me awake very early one morning because you fell on the floor from your bed, I almost couldn't get you up, but eventually was able to), but you have also had some strong moments, and have been checking on me to make sure I'm feeling OK.  You're so sweet as you constantly ask that, almost as if you're not feeling badly yourself.  Praying we will keep getting better, be able to eat more, and get our strength back.  In time, I know...  I love you!