Saturday, December 28, 2013

Another Christmas Without You

Dear Mom,
I just really miss you! I can't believe another Christmas has come and gone.  It just goes by so fast.  I was so happy to be on break!  This has been a bit of a challenging year for school.  It is my first time teaching a combined class, I have 18 third and fourth graders!  Oh the stories I would have loved to come home and tell you some days.  And I will have to share some of them with you because they are just too good not to.  It is not just a challenge teaching a combined class, but the kids are challenging at times as well.  They are learning some life lessons along with their academics this year.  But I think it's very necessary that they learn some of these things.  These are just things that you taught me growing up, but these kids don't seem to know some of these things, sadly.  Or if they do know them, they act like they don't or they forget once they step inside the doors of the classroom.  But we're all learning.  I do have to say, I actually feel more like a teacher again.  I feel like I got a little of my confidence back (that bear-like quality that the kids say I have:). And the week and a half leading up to break, which was also accompanied by a full moon, was a pretty wild week.  The kids were so excited, they could barely contain themselves, which made it very difficult to teach.  So this is why I say I was so ready for break.  I had already done some decorating after Thanksgiving.  I put the butterfly tree that I have for you back up in the living room.  It's such a pretty tree if I do say so myself. :)  I just love it, and love how it reminds me of you!  But there really isn't much that doesn't remind me of you or pappy these days.  This season has seemed a little more emotional for me than even last year.  Those cute Christmas specials will come on, and more and more this year, after watching or even during watching them, I would be in tears.  I miss watching them with you, even though many times toward the end of your sickness you would be in your room just watching the Hallmark channel while I watched them.  And if I went into your room to change the channel to the special, you would get upset and ask me to change it back.  But they still made me think of you and miss you terribly.  Then college kids and others were coming home to be with their families.  And some families were traveling distances to be with their families.  And there were new kids or new marriages, or different scenarios that were special.  It was hard thinking about all these families and the special, fun times they would be sharing, and how Bella and I would be here by ourselves.  It is nice and cozy and quiet, and I am able to really catch up on my sleep, so I really shouldn't be complaining.  But you know how Satan is, he gets in my head to tell me how lonely I am, and I struggle not to believe it.  Of course I have many wonderful friends who check on me and make sure that I'm OK, but it's not the same as having you and pappy around and making fond memories as we would decorate or bake or watch movies.  It's just different, but I'm thankful for the memories.  I got spoiled as usual by my kids at school.  And of course I spoiled Bella!  I went over to Uncle Cephus and Auntie Ann's house of course and had a great time hanging out and laughing with them, and my cousins.  Oh yea, Ma, guess what?  Derek, Chris' son got engaged!!  I doubt you would have remembered Yvonne, but you did meet her at least a couple of times.  Her and her daughter.  They are so nice and I'm so excited for Derek.  There have definitely been lots of engagements this Christmas!  And no, there is still nothing much going on here, like I said, just me and Bella.  But maybe for now that's enough! :)  I miss you!!  I want to talk to you, I want to hug you, I want to kiss your sweet little cheek and hold your hands.  I want to watch TV with you, I want to dance and sing with you.  I want to take you places...to the mall, to see lights, to a Christmas program or play.  I just miss you!  I talked to your friend Mrs. Russell today, and she was saying the same thing.  She just misses you!  She misses you dragging her to the mall to get presents for pappy and me, and for others.  She said she missed talking to you, too.  Well, so do I, which is why I do it on here, even though I haven't been keeping up with it well.  But I will continue to share with you, because it makes me happy to do that and to think about you as I do!  I miss you, and mommy....I love you!!!

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