Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Made it!!

Dear Mom,

I actually made it through yesterday!!! I wasn't sure I would, but thankfully Mama G. had me emptying out drawers, moving things from one place to another, and shredding old documents. That kept me on my feet most of the day, so that helped me not be as sleepy as I normally would have been.
I got to school yesterday morning about 7 a.m. I forgot that our desks were still in the hallway, so my plan to organize and clean out my desk was foiled. I just cleaned some of my shelves instead. I started getting hot in the classroom, so I went into the teacher's lounge and put the air on, and just waited to Mama to get there at 8:30. I went to her office, we talked for a while because she wondered why I was there so early. I told her about our crazy morning. Mama G. had some similar experiences with her mother several years ago. One Sunday morning her mom was up at 2 a.m. getting dressed for church. She told her mom it was too early for church, she said her mom just got in bed with all of her clothes on. She said she wanted to yell at her, but had to remember it wasn't her fault. It helped me so much to hear her, because I have had some of the same feelings and she helped me understand that it's normal. Being a caregiver is hard.........really hard!! People that aren't cannot understand, so it's hard to talk to people about it. I have started keeping most of what is going on quiet, because it's hard to talk to people who don't get it and sometimes make it worse with the things they say. They think they are helping, but are just making me feel worse. There are so many times I want to share some of these things with you, but I can't do that anymore. Mama G. and I had great conversations yesterday, they helped me so much! She could never take your place, don't worry, but I'm so thankful the Lord has given me someone like her to talk to. We worked a long day yesterday, too. We were there until about 5:30, by that time I was ready to get home. :) I called you a couple of times to tell you not to fix dinner or anything because I would be coming and would take care of it, then I also added in that I would bring something home. I told you that because sometimes that helps make sure you don't try to put anything into the oven. You love when I bring things home. The one thing I didn't tell you was that I wasn't bringing dinner home, I wasn't sure at the time what I would bring home, but because it was so hot and I was so hot and tired from working hard all day, I brought home McFlurries for us. The reason I told you not to worry about dinner was because I had forgotten the night before to take our leftovers out of the styrofoam containers. And a couple of times you have put those in the stove to heat up dinner. That makes me nervous, so that's why I told you that. Then I told you if you were hungry to eat one of the peaches in the refrigerator. When I got home one of the styrofoam containers was on the counter, but no marks from a stove or anything thankfully. It just so happened to be my meal, when I looked inside there were only 3 small french fries left!! I told you those were mine, so since you ate mine I was going to take some of yours, so I did. You still had plenty, though. By dinner time, I was fairing better than the rest of this crazy day. So thankful for the opportunity to get away, work hard and help someone else, but in the process get some help from that person as well. Sorry sometimes I just get a little crazy, but mom I'm doing this all by myself and it's hard. I hate to see you like this and I still in the recesses of my mind am hoping to fix you. I'm working on it. Please know that even though I may act like it, you are not a burden! You are my love, you are my mom, and I feel a type of pleasure to be able to do for you what you have done for me for so many years. I love you!

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