Monday, May 13, 2013

Happy Mother's Day!

Dear Mom,

It's Mother's Day!  Another first without you!  I miss you so much!  I didn't think today would be that bad because I had been OK this week.  There was a Mother's Day breakfast at church, but I couldn't really bring myself to go to that.  I struggle with things like that anyway.  I wouldn't know where to sit, and it would be awkward.  Plus, I never have gone because we would go to your church, or you just weren't able to go with me.  So, I got to church in time to practice with the choir a few minutes before church.  We walked out onto the platform and when church was ready to start Pastor came up and asked if choir would move a little to the sides so people could see the screen because he had a short movie he wanted to play.  It was a cute little video of cartoon type pictures and an adult asking questions to little children.  They asked how the kids knew when they made their moms happy and how they knew when they made them sad.  They asked what their mom's liked to they were like their moms, and how they were different.  At first through those questions I was doing OK, able to hold off any possible tears.  But then they came to a question where they asked what do you love most about your mom or what do you like to do with your mom.  And when they started talking about hugging, and cuddling, or doing certain things, I could no longer hide the tears.  I just let them stream down my face.  I figured that would attract much less attention than if I kept trying to wipe them away.  Then right after that the choir was expected to sing.  I don't have much of a voice anyway because of my allergies, but I pretty much just mouthed it all, since I was pretty choked up.  But I made it through.  I wasn't sure about the church service and how I would do.  The special music was pretty emotional, too.  The service ended up being OK.  I sat next to my friend Loretta, and Tiffany (one of the twins, remember them?)  came and sat with us.  I made it through and then came home, not sure if I was going to do anything else.  I hung out with Bella and we got our naps in, then I heard from my friend Loretta, and we went out to dinner.  We went to Evergreen and ate at Ted's.  It was pretty awesome!  So, I was able to have a pretty good day even though this was such a tough one.  I really missed you!!  But I missed so many phases of you.  I missed the you that I never knew, but only saw in pictures as a young adult.  I missed the you from when I was younger and you took such good care of me.  I missed the you from when I became older and we shopped and hung out together.  I missed the you that I loved as an adult, where we were super close, where I thought of you as my best friend.  I missed the you that was Dad's amazing caretaker!  I missed the you that became weaker and weaker to the point where I was your caretaker.  That was tough, but I would never trade it for the world.  It was my pleasure to be able to take care of you!  You were the best mom to me, the least I could do is to make sure you were well taken care of.  I am so thankful for you, I couldn't have asked for a better mom or a better friend!  I love you so much, and miss you terribly!!  I can't wait to see you again!  I wish I could hug your neck and kiss your cheek one more time, but I know I will again soon!  I'm so glad you are happy and whole, but I still really miss you!  Just want you to know!  You're still and always will be my favorite girl!  I love you!!!!

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