Friday, February 1, 2013

Really Missing You!

Dear Mom,

I have really been missing you lots lately.  Last week I woke up in the morning and my mind went right to going to your room to get you up to go to the bathroom or even just to change you.  A strong sadness flooded over me when I realized that was not possible.  I realized how much I miss taking care of you!  Between the 5th anniversary of pappy's death and your birthday, and just feeling a little lonely lately, I have been really struggling emotionally and missing you and pappy!  Today is another emotional day for me because it is the Ladies' Seminar at our church and except for a couple of times...when you had just had your breast cancer surgery to have the lump removed and then a week later 20 lymph nodes removed and were going through chemo, and either back or leg issues that kept you from being there, this will be the first Ladies' Seminar in a while that you have not been to.  I know you will be with me there in spirit, but I will just miss having you with me.  I even was able to trick you into going with me last year both days, not the whole time, but part of the time.  I told you we were going for a drive or something and couldn't take Bella with us.  So you were there with me last year and this year you won't be.  I have already teared up a couple of times this morning thinking about it.  I also had a friend from Kansas text me that she was praying for me today and asking the Lord to give me just what I needed from the Seminar this year.  That also made me tear up to know she was thinking of me.  I'll even be back to doing my skits with Chris, she is better this year and we'll be back to being crazy, and I know how much you enjoyed seeing me act crazy. :)  I just remember you saying so many times "Oh, I'm so embarrassed!" when I would come out, or you would just have that "oh no" face. That was so much fun!  I loved seeing your reaction and sometimes going over to you to embarrass you more.  I'm going to miss that!  Also, Francie Taylor is one of the speakers again this year and you and I both enjoyed her so much each time she would come, and I think the last time she was here was right after pappy had passed away.  So, now I'll see her and hear her without you to enjoy it too.  I'm just really going to miss you!  The birthday is also coming up and I dread celebrating without you and pappy here to celebrate with me, but I have a couple of friends who want to take some time to celebrate with me.  It will be good, I know, but it's still hard.  I miss talking to you, I miss laughing with you, I miss crying with you, I miss taking you places, I miss making memories with you, I miss spending time with you, I miss taking care of you, I miss hugging you, I miss kissing you, and I miss telling you how much I love you!!  But mommy....I do LOVE YOU!

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