Thursday, July 5, 2012

I Miss You More Everyday!

Dear Mom,

You were in the hospital from Friday to Monday.  They did all kinds of tests and everything came back negative, thankfully!  I was so glad to get you back home, I wasn't sure if they would try to put you in a rehab place or something before coming home.  But they let you come back so you could be in familiar surroundings.  I was glad, because I knew you wanted to be home with Bella.  At the hospital you kept asking where she was, you kept asking if she was in the other room.  I kept telling you she was home and she was fine.  Thankfully that answer sufficed.  A couple of times you said you were ready to go get home to Bella.  But I let you know, you had to get stronger and then the doctor would let you come home, and you were OK with that too.  So, I'm glad you got to come home to Bella and me!  You just haven't been back to your new "normal".  You have had some good days, but then you seem to be getting weaker than you were before you went into the hospital.  Before you went into the hospital, I could help you stand by holding your elbow, telling you to hold mine, having you lean forward, and with a good grip on me and the chair arm or table you could stand.  Now, I basically have to pick you up, you're not standing well at all.  You haven't really been on any meds except one low dose Bayer aspirin.  They want to decrease your Aricept to 5 mg.  I wonder about that because you were doing so much better on the 23 mg.  But then some of your problem lately seems to be coming from your Arthritis or sciatic.  You are dragging your feet more and can't stand up straight.  So, I'm at a loss to know what to do to help you.  I can't get you out of the house to get to the doctor because you are not walking well enough.  The VNA comes over once a week, and a Home Health Aide comes three times a week to bathe you.  You have been OK with them.  We are still working on a Homemaker/Companion from a different company called Angel Touch.  Everyone understands my desire to try to keep you home, and they are trying to work with me, which I appreciate.  But even the past couple of days you seem weaker.  You haven't been drinking much, and don't always finish everything anymore.  Yesterday you could barely hold your cup in your hands.  I'm not sure what's going on and why you are getting so weak, so quickly.  But I have really been missing you!  You're my best friend!  It kills me to think we won't get to just ride in a car and even just look at scenery together, you won't be coming with me to the mall to get our nails done together.  You probably won't even get out of the house to see the flowers that I planted for you, this year I planted your Impatiens in the front.  You probably won't get to see or drive in the new (to me) car I was just surprised with late Sunday night, early Monday morning.  I just bought a new bath seat for $100 and I don't even know if you'll be using it much anymore if you're not getting around better.  So many things I don't know, so many things I'm missing with you, it's difficult!
I wanted so badly to share and have you understand this new (to me) car story.  So, I'll tell you here.  Sunday was Pastor Rob's last Sunday, the Lord has called him to be a chaplain in the US Air Force.  So it was his last sermon, it was definitely an emotional day.  I was glad I was able to make it.  You weren't great, when I left you, you had just sat up from being face down on the kitchen table, sleeping hard.  But I knew you would be OK for the few hours I would be gone.  I said some teary goodbyes to him, his wife, the two boys that I have watched grow up to 7 or 8 and 6 years old, the sweetest little two year old girl, and adorable few month old son.
Aren't they a beautiful family??
 It was so hard to say goodbye, but I am excited for them to go on and serve the Lord where He wants them.  Well, that morning one of the ladies from my church gave me a card that was such an encouragement, and she had a wonderful poem about growing in the valley in the card.  What a blessing!!  Then one of the ladies from your church called to see how you were, then she asked specifically how I was doing.  That meant so much to me!  I shared some things with her and she prayed with me.  It was so nice to have that opportunity to share!  Well, now to other news...
About 11:15 Sunday night I got a phone call from my pastor's wife.  She said she and pastor had a gift for me, but they wanted to be able to give it to me face to face, but they would be leaving super early in the morning so if it was possible they would love to have me come over then.  I was surprised, I couldn't imagine what they wanted to give me, I thought maybe they had some cute pictures of the kids for me or something.  They know how much I love those kids!  I got there and talked with them for a bit, then pastor went over to the kitchen cabinet and got out some money for me.  I broke down of course, and told them I hated to take it, because we have been doing OK lately.  But they said it was for an oil change and needs for my car.  I was shocked, but so blessed.  I really did need an oil change badly.  Pastor and I were talking about my car, and some of the things about it, he just let me talk.  I told him how thankful I was that it still worked, that I didn't have a car payment and it got me where I needed it to, but you have a hard time getting into and out of it because it is so low.  But still thankful for it!  It's your old car, I got it from you after mine conked out.  My '99 Camry conked and you weren't driving your '96 Corolla anymore because your forgetfulness was starting and that would have been dangerous.  So, it has lasted a while.  As pastor and I were talking, Megan walked around to the other side of pastor and then told them he was taking too long!!  She started walking toward me with a smile, and pastor was grinning wildly too.  Megan walked toward me with a..........KEY!!!  It was a key to their car!  They wanted me to have it because they love me!!  Can you believe it, mom???!?!?  Pastor said, they have HEARD me coming into the church parking lot for several months now, and they wanted me to have a reliable ride.  What a blessing!!!  I got home after 1 a.m. and I shared with you the good news.  You smiled and said a little something, but you didn't quite understand.  I still can't believe it, I shock myself when I see it in the driveway, lol.
So, yea, I REALLY, REALLY miss you and certain aspects of our relationship!  But I love you more and more!!  Love you!


  1. What a beautiful act of love from your pastor! He is living what he preaches. It also confirms to me what a wonderful person you are that he would want to give you this wonderful gift.

    I understand the sad, sad feeling of being excited about something and not really being able to share the information in the same way with your mom before Alzheimer's.

    I'm so happy for you getting the car. I'm sad that your mother's condition is getting weaker.
    I keep you and your mom in my prayers.

  2. Isn't that incredible, Dolores!! He definitely was!! Thanks for such a sweet compliment...I definitely didn't deserve it with the way I have been upset with the Lord lately about the different situations I have been dealing with. But He remains faithful, even when I don't deserve it! So thankful for that! Yes, sadly, mom is getting weaker, making lots of tough decisions. So thank you for the prayers! Praying for you and David as well! Hugs to you, my friend!