Trying to Trust

Dear Mom,

This is going to be shorter because it is getting late and it will be an early, most likely long day tomorrow.  You didn't do very well today.  That was surprising because you had been doing better this week.  Your sister got here on Wednesday and you started walking just with your cane and no walker, and were moving around a bit more, and you were not fighting me on things like going to the bathroom or taking a shower.  But today...today was different, you really struggled getting up this morning.  Not waking up, but just getting up, you didn't have much strength.  I had to really pull you and we had to do a few tries.  I finally got you to the bathroom and then you had a hard time getting up from there.  This time we were using the walker and you were still struggling, you kept pushing the walker about 3 feet in front of you, so you were almost bent in half trying to walk.  I kept reminding you to bring it closer, but you would forget and keep pushing it farther out.  We finally made it back to the bedroom.  After about an hour or so, I was trying to get you to the kitchen for breakfast, and again you were struggling.  I have gotten used to this I guess, because every once in a while it happens, but your sister wasn't.  You were falling asleep at the table while you were eating, which you have done before, but she hadn't seen that since she had been here.  You were a little worse today than normal because you really could barely keep your eyes open or head up.  I was just heading out, needed to get my nails done, a couple were lifting and starting to come off.  But Auntie Janice was concerned and wanted me to call someone to take you in.  I pushed your Life Alert and they sent an ambulance.  So, no nail-fixing today!  You went to the hospital and they took blood, urine, did an xray, and a cat scan.  Your vitals were good, but still not sure what was causing this.  So, they kept you tonight.  So...you're there and I'm here trying to cope without you here, missing you.  It was very hard to leave you tonight.  Auntie Janice and I kissed you and prayed with you, you said you weren't staying there, but I told you we were going to check on Bella and would be back later and if you went to sleep it would make the time go faster.  As we were leaving you started humming to yourself. That made me sad, and it was harder to leave you, but I know and trust you are in good hands...and I always know you are in the Good Hands of the Great Physician!  I miss you so much, but I'm going to try to go get some sleep.  They are planning to do more tests tomorrow, and the neurologist is supposed to come.  I'm hoping to get over there at a decent time in the morning so we don't miss meeting the different doctors and nurses and what they have to say.  So, it could be another long day.  Praying for you, missing you terribly, and loving you more than you could ever know!  I love you!  I hope you have a really, good, restful night!