Struggling

Dear Mom,



This has been a tough weekend. So many things have been going on in my mind. I have been reminiscing a little bit, I wanted to share some things with you and ask some questions, but I know that you have a hard time understanding or putting things into words. I also know that if I don't remember some things, you definitely won't. I wanted to ask you about some of the kids you used to babysit for, some of the people that used to go to Grace with us. I did show you the obituary of someone who used to go to Grace, you acted like you knew who it was, but I'm not sure.
I also struggled with some lies that Satan was feeding my mind. I wanted to go to you and talk to you so you could encourage me and pray with me. You have always been so good about praying with me when I was struggling with things. I have some fond memories of some real struggles, where you didn't maybe know exactly what to say to comfort me, so you would just pray with me. Those are special memories! Praying has even become a struggle for you lately. The only prayer I have heard you pray for the past several months has been "God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for our food, by His hands we are fed, give us Lord our daily bread." That used to be what we always prayed as I was growing up, and with the daycare kids. I remember a song that used to be sung at Grace, "If I Could Hear My Mother Pray Again". I always thought about that song being more about the death of a mother where the singer couldn't hear her pray again. Now I realize that it could also be for something like a disease that doesn't allow the mother to pray as she used to. Although, I am the one that always prays for us now, for meals, and at night, I still have those precious memories. So, this weekend I just really had to go to the Lord on my own and pray for His strength to help me through some of the craziness of this weekend. Thankful that I can always go to Him when I am struggling. Thankful for good memories of a different time when we did have those special moments together. So thankful! Love you!