Dear Mom,
Mother's Day was a little while ago, but it was a good day! You got up and got ready to go to church. For a moment I thought you were going to come to church with me, you said you would. Then as has been the case lately, you changed your mind and decided to go to your church, which was fine with me. You would probably be more comfortable with people you see each week. I needed to go to my church to teach my Sunday School class, sing in the choir, and play my flute for the offertory. I was getting ready to leave for church, but couldn't find my flute. I was so upset that I couldn't find it, that means I would have to ask someone to play for me, and that makes me feel bad. Well, there wasn't much I could do, so I went without my flute. They were having a breakfast for moms, but since unfortunately I'm not one, and you weren't coming there was no need for me to go early for that. So I got there just in time for Sunday School. I had a great class. Then I had to go upstairs to practice for choir before the morning service started. Well, what a service it was!! The congregational songs were, "Praise to the Lord, the Almighty", "Great is Thy Faithfulness", "He Giveth More Grace", and "Be Thou My Vision"...such great songs! Then the Jr. High girls sang "Lord, I Need You". All these songs just spoke to my heart so much. The choir sang, "Holy is He", that is one of my favorite songs! As we are singing it I hear some strong "Amens" and see people that are just so affected by the beautiful words of this song. I was almost unable to finish singing it, I was so touched. Even Mr. Glenn was choked up afterward and took a few seconds before he could do the welcome! Awesome! The message was of course about Hannah, and pastor did a great job. After service I rushed home so I could make sure I got home so we could get to a nice restaurant before it got too crowded. I thought I might take you somewhere on the Berlin Turnpike, but then settled on Ruby Tuesday right in Bloomfield. What a great choice. We were able to get right in because it was just the two of us. We got mozzarella sticks for the appetizer, I know you love those. Then you got ribs, of course I had to order for you, because you aren't confident to do that much anymore. But it's ok. I had the new blackened tilapia with mango salsa. Wow it was delicious!! Also had tiramisu for dessert and got some gourmet cupcakes to bring home-red velvet and carrot cake. We had a good conversation, not a lot of it, but it was just nice to see you out and doing well. Then we went home to just relax for the rest of the day. Thanks for allowing me a special memory of a special day with you. I hope we have many more of these special memories! Love you!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Struggling
Dear Mom,
This has been a tough weekend. So many things have been going on in my mind. I have been reminiscing a little bit, I wanted to share some things with you and ask some questions, but I know that you have a hard time understanding or putting things into words. I also know that if I don't remember some things, you definitely won't. I wanted to ask you about some of the kids you used to babysit for, some of the people that used to go to Grace with us. I did show you the obituary of someone who used to go to Grace, you acted like you knew who it was, but I'm not sure.
I also struggled with some lies that Satan was feeding my mind. I wanted to go to you and talk to you so you could encourage me and pray with me. You have always been so good about praying with me when I was struggling with things. I have some fond memories of some real struggles, where you didn't maybe know exactly what to say to comfort me, so you would just pray with me. Those are special memories! Praying has even become a struggle for you lately. The only prayer I have heard you pray for the past several months has been "God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for our food, by His hands we are fed, give us Lord our daily bread." That used to be what we always prayed as I was growing up, and with the daycare kids. I remember a song that used to be sung at Grace, "If I Could Hear My Mother Pray Again". I always thought about that song being more about the death of a mother where the singer couldn't hear her pray again. Now I realize that it could also be for something like a disease that doesn't allow the mother to pray as she used to. Although, I am the one that always prays for us now, for meals, and at night, I still have those precious memories. So, this weekend I just really had to go to the Lord on my own and pray for His strength to help me through some of the craziness of this weekend. Thankful that I can always go to Him when I am struggling. Thankful for good memories of a different time when we did have those special moments together. So thankful! Love you!
This has been a tough weekend. So many things have been going on in my mind. I have been reminiscing a little bit, I wanted to share some things with you and ask some questions, but I know that you have a hard time understanding or putting things into words. I also know that if I don't remember some things, you definitely won't. I wanted to ask you about some of the kids you used to babysit for, some of the people that used to go to Grace with us. I did show you the obituary of someone who used to go to Grace, you acted like you knew who it was, but I'm not sure.
I also struggled with some lies that Satan was feeding my mind. I wanted to go to you and talk to you so you could encourage me and pray with me. You have always been so good about praying with me when I was struggling with things. I have some fond memories of some real struggles, where you didn't maybe know exactly what to say to comfort me, so you would just pray with me. Those are special memories! Praying has even become a struggle for you lately. The only prayer I have heard you pray for the past several months has been "God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for our food, by His hands we are fed, give us Lord our daily bread." That used to be what we always prayed as I was growing up, and with the daycare kids. I remember a song that used to be sung at Grace, "If I Could Hear My Mother Pray Again". I always thought about that song being more about the death of a mother where the singer couldn't hear her pray again. Now I realize that it could also be for something like a disease that doesn't allow the mother to pray as she used to. Although, I am the one that always prays for us now, for meals, and at night, I still have those precious memories. So, this weekend I just really had to go to the Lord on my own and pray for His strength to help me through some of the craziness of this weekend. Thankful that I can always go to Him when I am struggling. Thankful for good memories of a different time when we did have those special moments together. So thankful! Love you!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Missing you...
Dear Mom,
I miss you! I know you are still here with me, but it's not the you that I know. Of course it's the you that I love because I will always love you, no matter what. I just miss the one that I would talk to, who would understand and be able to share things back with me. I miss the woman that I would go to the mall and walk around for hours with. I miss the woman that would bake and cook and keep things in order. I miss the woman that would go with me to whatever crazy endeavor I chose that day, and would enjoy it. I miss you!
It was nice getting up early yesterday (I was up at 4, but woke you up about 5), and watching the Royal Wedding together, just as we did 30 years ago for Charles and Diana. It was neat having that time together doing something "normal" and enjoying it together before I went off to school. I think you even sort of remembered some of it when I got back home. Then today, you kept thinking we were going to get our nails done, but I told you we already did last week. You liked the color then stopped liking the color and painted over it badly, but I just can't go back and pay more just one week after we got them done. You just got back in bed, though after breakfast and I wanted to as well, but then thought you needed to get out at least a little on this beautiful day. Some Channel 3 anchors were at L.L. Bean at Evergreen Walk. I knew we could do that and it wouldn't take long, and you could get back home to Bella soon. We went over and got autographed pictures and talked to them some. Then they asked us to go over to the camera and tell what we liked about Channel 3. You didn't want to get on camera, but when the guy started asking me questions to answer, you kept adding your little thoughts. After I looked around L.L. Bean a little bit, but you just wanted to sit and wait for me, so you did. Then there were a couple other places I wanted to look in, so I went and you just wanted to stay in the car. I miss those times when you would come with me and share those experiences together, but at least I got you out. That made me feel better. You even came downstairs a little bit ago, but the movie Tangled was a little scary you said so you just went back up to get on your bed and put on the Hallmark Channel. So, yes, I miss you, but I am thankful you are still here with me physically even though mentally you are not quite here. I love you and look forward to many more memories, even on a different scale. Love you!
I miss you! I know you are still here with me, but it's not the you that I know. Of course it's the you that I love because I will always love you, no matter what. I just miss the one that I would talk to, who would understand and be able to share things back with me. I miss the woman that I would go to the mall and walk around for hours with. I miss the woman that would bake and cook and keep things in order. I miss the woman that would go with me to whatever crazy endeavor I chose that day, and would enjoy it. I miss you!
It was nice getting up early yesterday (I was up at 4, but woke you up about 5), and watching the Royal Wedding together, just as we did 30 years ago for Charles and Diana. It was neat having that time together doing something "normal" and enjoying it together before I went off to school. I think you even sort of remembered some of it when I got back home. Then today, you kept thinking we were going to get our nails done, but I told you we already did last week. You liked the color then stopped liking the color and painted over it badly, but I just can't go back and pay more just one week after we got them done. You just got back in bed, though after breakfast and I wanted to as well, but then thought you needed to get out at least a little on this beautiful day. Some Channel 3 anchors were at L.L. Bean at Evergreen Walk. I knew we could do that and it wouldn't take long, and you could get back home to Bella soon. We went over and got autographed pictures and talked to them some. Then they asked us to go over to the camera and tell what we liked about Channel 3. You didn't want to get on camera, but when the guy started asking me questions to answer, you kept adding your little thoughts. After I looked around L.L. Bean a little bit, but you just wanted to sit and wait for me, so you did. Then there were a couple other places I wanted to look in, so I went and you just wanted to stay in the car. I miss those times when you would come with me and share those experiences together, but at least I got you out. That made me feel better. You even came downstairs a little bit ago, but the movie Tangled was a little scary you said so you just went back up to get on your bed and put on the Hallmark Channel. So, yes, I miss you, but I am thankful you are still here with me physically even though mentally you are not quite here. I love you and look forward to many more memories, even on a different scale. Love you!
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