Dear Mom,
I was home with you on Wednesday because I was going to be taking you to an appointment with one of your cancer doctors. I was so excited for the chance to sleep in a little. We had breakfast and I got ready. We left the house probably around quarter to eleven, so we would have plenty of time to get there. We got to the hospital at about 11:05 or a little after. I went to go into the parking area, but the gate was closed and it wouldn't open. So, I had to back up and go around to the front where I could let you off and find a place to park, or have the valet guys park the car. I definitely was not going to leave you, but I also did not have any change to pay the valet. I had to wait a while for one of them to come back so I could ask about the parking. One finally did come back and I asked about the gated parking place. I told him that this was where I had been told to park, instead of in the parking garage, because it was closer in that lot. I don't think he really understood everything I was asking or trying to say, but he told me to go ahead and he controlled the gate to go up when we got there. I got through, but the parking lot was so crowded. I had to be very careful and finally found a place near the end of the lot to park. By this time we were almost late, if not already late. I got to the desk and told them you had an appointment to see Dr. Davis. The lady at the desk then told me I was at the wrong place...ugh. I felt awful, you had walked all that way and now you were having to walk back again. I was also a bit stressed at this point because we were definitely late now. We got back in the car, carefully drove out of that lot and went down the street. At first I missed the right driveway, had to turn around and get back to the right one. There were no close places and we weren't in our car so I didn't have your handicapped tag. When we got in the office it was quite full, and there were no chairs together. One nice lady switched her seat so mom and I could sit together. The nice thing is they all know you there, so I just explained why we were late and they were very kind about it. You had to go get blood work done first, go sit back in the waiting room and wait for the doctor. I was able to have a nice talk with the doctor. He said things hadn't seemed to change much since the last appointment. He checked you and said things looked good. That was great to hear. He also said that you have been cancer free for 5 1/2 years and that your surgery was about 5 years ago. Since things looked good, he suggested that instead of coming to see him in 6 months we could just start coming once a year. That was so great to hear. Glad this appointment went well. Though I must admit I couldn't help thinking, I wonder what next year would bring as we tried to keep up with that appointment. I didn't dwell on the thought, just crossed my mind for a bit. Well, it's one day at a time, one step at a time, and this was a great step to know that you were doing well. Praising the Lord for that and for you! Love you!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Still Learning...
Dear Mom,
I'm still getting used to this disease and how it affects you. Sometimes I think I am getting it down some, then something new or different comes up and I realize I really have no clue...at all. I'm still learning, though. I realized this on Sunday morning when you were getting ready for church. You were putting on the same outfit that you wear around the house everyday. You have worn that to church lately, and it's not a problem, but today we were also going to another church to celebrate my cousin, your nephew, Terry's ordination as a deacon. We would be seeing much of our family later. I knew you would want to look nice for this special occasion. I decided to try to help you choose something a little nicer to put on, not because I cared if you wore the other outfit, but I knew you would be more comfortable, and you would probably give me a hard time later if I hadn't chosen something nice for you. Here's the part where I'm still learning. I pulled out two different outfits for you to decide which one you wanted to wear. There was a nice red sweater with a red, white, and black skirt. I wasn't sure if you would want to wear that skirt because it was chillier out and the skirt wasn't that heavy. So, I also took out a nice black and white jumper with a pretty black and white sweater with a scarf to match. I put the two outfits out for you and told you you could choose which one you wanted to wear. You mentioned maybe wearing the jumper and black and white sweater. I told you that was fine. I was heading back to my room to get ready for church myself. Before I left you asked me what you should wear. I again told you and showed you the two choices. I was in my room getting ready and you called me to come help you. You asked if you should wear the red sweater. I told you that you could and you asked if you were supposed to wear it with the jumper. I told you you could, but that I had taken out the black and white sweater to go with it. So then you thought of wearing the skirt that I chose with that sweater. When you saw that it wasn't as heavy as you might have liked you decided to choose the jumper outfit with the white sweater. That's when I finally got wise, sometimes it takes me a while. I finally took the other outfit and put it up so you wouldn't be confused as to what to wear. So, see, I'm slowly learning! I wish I could learn to deal with things you might say that I struggle hearing. Such as when you tell me that I look pregnant, or that I need to hurry up and find a husband and have grandchildren before you are gone. The fact that I am still quite single with not even a glimpse of having a husband or kids has been very hard, especially lately as I am getting older. Then it has also bothered me that I never had grandchildren for you or dad to enjoy. Especially when there are so many (about 10 or so)people I know that are pregnant or are having/have had babies recently. I had always hoped to. So it's a bit hard to think about sometimes. I do have to say that I am glad that I am able to really help take care of you. You always took such good care of me and now it's my turn, and I'm proud to be able to do it. So, I keep trying to remind myself that they are just words, and I need not take it seriously. It's just part of our relationship now. I know there will always be something new now. That's another thing I am learning. With this disease there is never a set, dull moment, there is always something new and different. It definitely keeps things spontaneous and new. It's almost the same as when you watch the news. All the news stories, no matter how old they are, always seem new and incredible and fascinating to you, as if you have never heard them. Which, in your mind(literally), you haven't. If I can just take this journey in that light, that things will be new and interesting, always spontaneous and fascinating maybe I can learn to deal with some things a little better. I guess all I can do is try! I love you so much!
I'm still getting used to this disease and how it affects you. Sometimes I think I am getting it down some, then something new or different comes up and I realize I really have no clue...at all. I'm still learning, though. I realized this on Sunday morning when you were getting ready for church. You were putting on the same outfit that you wear around the house everyday. You have worn that to church lately, and it's not a problem, but today we were also going to another church to celebrate my cousin, your nephew, Terry's ordination as a deacon. We would be seeing much of our family later. I knew you would want to look nice for this special occasion. I decided to try to help you choose something a little nicer to put on, not because I cared if you wore the other outfit, but I knew you would be more comfortable, and you would probably give me a hard time later if I hadn't chosen something nice for you. Here's the part where I'm still learning. I pulled out two different outfits for you to decide which one you wanted to wear. There was a nice red sweater with a red, white, and black skirt. I wasn't sure if you would want to wear that skirt because it was chillier out and the skirt wasn't that heavy. So, I also took out a nice black and white jumper with a pretty black and white sweater with a scarf to match. I put the two outfits out for you and told you you could choose which one you wanted to wear. You mentioned maybe wearing the jumper and black and white sweater. I told you that was fine. I was heading back to my room to get ready for church myself. Before I left you asked me what you should wear. I again told you and showed you the two choices. I was in my room getting ready and you called me to come help you. You asked if you should wear the red sweater. I told you that you could and you asked if you were supposed to wear it with the jumper. I told you you could, but that I had taken out the black and white sweater to go with it. So then you thought of wearing the skirt that I chose with that sweater. When you saw that it wasn't as heavy as you might have liked you decided to choose the jumper outfit with the white sweater. That's when I finally got wise, sometimes it takes me a while. I finally took the other outfit and put it up so you wouldn't be confused as to what to wear. So, see, I'm slowly learning! I wish I could learn to deal with things you might say that I struggle hearing. Such as when you tell me that I look pregnant, or that I need to hurry up and find a husband and have grandchildren before you are gone. The fact that I am still quite single with not even a glimpse of having a husband or kids has been very hard, especially lately as I am getting older. Then it has also bothered me that I never had grandchildren for you or dad to enjoy. Especially when there are so many (about 10 or so)people I know that are pregnant or are having/have had babies recently. I had always hoped to. So it's a bit hard to think about sometimes. I do have to say that I am glad that I am able to really help take care of you. You always took such good care of me and now it's my turn, and I'm proud to be able to do it. So, I keep trying to remind myself that they are just words, and I need not take it seriously. It's just part of our relationship now. I know there will always be something new now. That's another thing I am learning. With this disease there is never a set, dull moment, there is always something new and different. It definitely keeps things spontaneous and new. It's almost the same as when you watch the news. All the news stories, no matter how old they are, always seem new and incredible and fascinating to you, as if you have never heard them. Which, in your mind(literally), you haven't. If I can just take this journey in that light, that things will be new and interesting, always spontaneous and fascinating maybe I can learn to deal with some things a little better. I guess all I can do is try! I love you so much!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Oh What a Night!
Dear Mom,
Oh what a night, and it has nothing to do with late December back in '63. Earlier this evening we went to go see your nephew, my cousin, be ordained as a deacon in his church. Many of the family were there, his mom, uncle and sisters from Georgia even came up to be a part of this. It was a nice service, but we didn't get to stay for all of it because I had to go back to my church to be a part of a Christmas singspiration we were having. I tried to get you to come over to the church with me. I thought you might like just sitting and singing Christmas hymns and songs and having some cookies and hot chocolate. Plus my little kids that I have in my Pee Wee's class were going to be singing 3 songs and I thought you would enjoy hearing them. I couldn't quite convince you to come, you wanted to get home to Bella. So, I had to bring you home and then head right over to the church. I made sure you got into the house safely, but left so Bella wouldn't see me. I knew she would get too excited if she did. I checked to see that you were in with the door shut before I took off. I made it to church in plenty of time. I helped get the pastor's boys set up downstairs at a table, while their mom brought the little sister to the nursery. I sat with them and waited until Pastor and Megan came down, then stayed at the same table with them. We sang a couple Christmas hymns, then the Pee Wees went up to sing their three songs. They were so cute and did a great job. My only regret was not taking video or having someone else take a video of them as I had planned. They were so adorable, though! One of the songs Pastor wanted to be sure the whole sang was"Jingle Bells", so we sang "Jingle Bells" and Mr. Glenn had everyone take out their car keys to be the jingling bell sound! There was more special music from our Youth Director and his wife and the choir. Pastor Tom read the Christmas story to the kids that were there, while they sat on the floor around him. It was so sweet! We sang many wonderful songs. It was so sweet to sing those songs and hear Pastor's boys singing so sweetly and confidently behind me with the songs that they knew well. I especially loved hearing them sing "Glo-ria, in excelsis deo"! It was a great night, and we were out about the same time we normally are out of church if not a teeny bit earlier. I came home and was greeted by Bella as usual. As I was just about to take her out to go potty, I called to say hello to you. I heard a weak cry from somewhere. I quickly walked down the hallway and opened the bathroom door, but it was dark, so you weren't there. Then I went to your room.... there you were on the floor by the front of the bed on your back. I was shocked! I don't know what happened, you still had your clothes on. It looked like you were trying to take your jumper off, I don't know if somehow you fell because of that. Your shoes were beside you, your coat was underneath you, and the Life Alert necklace that you should/could have used to have someone help you was on the floor on the other side of your coat. Kinda defeats the purpose of it, sadly. I didn't know how to try to get you up. Finally I got behind you and just tried lifting you straight up. It finally worked...thankfully. I couldn't help but giggle a little at the craziness of trying to get you up, that made you giggle too. Glad we could get a little giggle, even though it wasn't a funny situation. I am pretty sure you were there the whole time I was gone, but sadly didn't use your Life Alert. Thankfully you were OK. After all of that you were better and of course wanted your ice cream. You had that, but then your TV wasn't working properly, I switched yours with another one, but then had to call Direct TV to get it set up properly. So, boy was I ready to come down here and blog. Thankfully my back has held up OK after lifting you and both of those TV's. I hope and pray things are back to normal for us. So thankful that you are OK and things weren't worse. Sorry I wasn't there for you for a while. God took care of you for me. So thankful! I pray that you will be safe when I'm not here, and that you will remember to use your Life Alert necklace if something goes wrong. I have so many other things to share with you, but will later. Glad you're ok, I love you!
Oh what a night, and it has nothing to do with late December back in '63. Earlier this evening we went to go see your nephew, my cousin, be ordained as a deacon in his church. Many of the family were there, his mom, uncle and sisters from Georgia even came up to be a part of this. It was a nice service, but we didn't get to stay for all of it because I had to go back to my church to be a part of a Christmas singspiration we were having. I tried to get you to come over to the church with me. I thought you might like just sitting and singing Christmas hymns and songs and having some cookies and hot chocolate. Plus my little kids that I have in my Pee Wee's class were going to be singing 3 songs and I thought you would enjoy hearing them. I couldn't quite convince you to come, you wanted to get home to Bella. So, I had to bring you home and then head right over to the church. I made sure you got into the house safely, but left so Bella wouldn't see me. I knew she would get too excited if she did. I checked to see that you were in with the door shut before I took off. I made it to church in plenty of time. I helped get the pastor's boys set up downstairs at a table, while their mom brought the little sister to the nursery. I sat with them and waited until Pastor and Megan came down, then stayed at the same table with them. We sang a couple Christmas hymns, then the Pee Wees went up to sing their three songs. They were so cute and did a great job. My only regret was not taking video or having someone else take a video of them as I had planned. They were so adorable, though! One of the songs Pastor wanted to be sure the whole sang was"Jingle Bells", so we sang "Jingle Bells" and Mr. Glenn had everyone take out their car keys to be the jingling bell sound! There was more special music from our Youth Director and his wife and the choir. Pastor Tom read the Christmas story to the kids that were there, while they sat on the floor around him. It was so sweet! We sang many wonderful songs. It was so sweet to sing those songs and hear Pastor's boys singing so sweetly and confidently behind me with the songs that they knew well. I especially loved hearing them sing "Glo-ria, in excelsis deo"! It was a great night, and we were out about the same time we normally are out of church if not a teeny bit earlier. I came home and was greeted by Bella as usual. As I was just about to take her out to go potty, I called to say hello to you. I heard a weak cry from somewhere. I quickly walked down the hallway and opened the bathroom door, but it was dark, so you weren't there. Then I went to your room.... there you were on the floor by the front of the bed on your back. I was shocked! I don't know what happened, you still had your clothes on. It looked like you were trying to take your jumper off, I don't know if somehow you fell because of that. Your shoes were beside you, your coat was underneath you, and the Life Alert necklace that you should/could have used to have someone help you was on the floor on the other side of your coat. Kinda defeats the purpose of it, sadly. I didn't know how to try to get you up. Finally I got behind you and just tried lifting you straight up. It finally worked...thankfully. I couldn't help but giggle a little at the craziness of trying to get you up, that made you giggle too. Glad we could get a little giggle, even though it wasn't a funny situation. I am pretty sure you were there the whole time I was gone, but sadly didn't use your Life Alert. Thankfully you were OK. After all of that you were better and of course wanted your ice cream. You had that, but then your TV wasn't working properly, I switched yours with another one, but then had to call Direct TV to get it set up properly. So, boy was I ready to come down here and blog. Thankfully my back has held up OK after lifting you and both of those TV's. I hope and pray things are back to normal for us. So thankful that you are OK and things weren't worse. Sorry I wasn't there for you for a while. God took care of you for me. So thankful! I pray that you will be safe when I'm not here, and that you will remember to use your Life Alert necklace if something goes wrong. I have so many other things to share with you, but will later. Glad you're ok, I love you!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Family Time
Dear Mom,
This past Saturday we went to Hometown Buffet for breakfast with the family. We do that sometimes, but I wasn't quite sure what the occasion was this time. We got there and got in the long line with Uncle Cephus and Auntie Ann. I was worried about you standing in that line for a while and kept checking to see if you wanted to go sit down. Some of the family had already gotten there and had saved some tables. Of course you said you were fine and did not want to go sit down. So, I just kept a close eye on you to make sure you would be fine. Not long after standing there I heard someone calling to Uncle Cephus from behind us in line. I turned around to see my cousin Lou standing there, I was so surprised!! It didn't really faze you at all, but she is from Georgia, and we had no idea she was here. So were Auntie Alberta and Uncle George, your brother and sister-in-law, and a couple of other cousins. As I turned around to see them all, it brought tears to my eyes! Dad's brother is 88 and his sister is 87, the last time we saw them was at the family reunion a couple of years ago in Georgia. So much has changed since then. I think you did sort of recognize them, but not enough to be as excited and shocked as I was. I was just so glad to see them. I made sure to get some pictures, because who knows what will change before the next time we see them. A little later some of Auntie Alberta's grandchildren and great grandchildren also came in. We took up about 8 or 9 tables with the family and that wasn't even close to being all of them. It was great to see all of pappy's siblings that are still alive together again. It was so special. You ate very well and did seem to enjoy yourself. And of course, after you were done with your breakfast, you were ready to have your ice cream. So....I made sure to get you some. So you were set. What a great time!
Auntie Alberta with her sister-in-law Doris, and brother-in-law and sister Cephus and Ann
Family
Cousin Debbie with her great niece
Cousin Lou with her granddaughter
Cousins
You with Auntie Ann
Cousins Corey and Derek at our table
All of our tables
Pappy's brothers, Uncle George and Uncle John
Pappy's other brother, Uncle Henry with Uncle George
What a great family time and a special surprise...for me anyway. Glad you got to see them as well and make memories. Love you!
This past Saturday we went to Hometown Buffet for breakfast with the family. We do that sometimes, but I wasn't quite sure what the occasion was this time. We got there and got in the long line with Uncle Cephus and Auntie Ann. I was worried about you standing in that line for a while and kept checking to see if you wanted to go sit down. Some of the family had already gotten there and had saved some tables. Of course you said you were fine and did not want to go sit down. So, I just kept a close eye on you to make sure you would be fine. Not long after standing there I heard someone calling to Uncle Cephus from behind us in line. I turned around to see my cousin Lou standing there, I was so surprised!! It didn't really faze you at all, but she is from Georgia, and we had no idea she was here. So were Auntie Alberta and Uncle George, your brother and sister-in-law, and a couple of other cousins. As I turned around to see them all, it brought tears to my eyes! Dad's brother is 88 and his sister is 87, the last time we saw them was at the family reunion a couple of years ago in Georgia. So much has changed since then. I think you did sort of recognize them, but not enough to be as excited and shocked as I was. I was just so glad to see them. I made sure to get some pictures, because who knows what will change before the next time we see them. A little later some of Auntie Alberta's grandchildren and great grandchildren also came in. We took up about 8 or 9 tables with the family and that wasn't even close to being all of them. It was great to see all of pappy's siblings that are still alive together again. It was so special. You ate very well and did seem to enjoy yourself. And of course, after you were done with your breakfast, you were ready to have your ice cream. So....I made sure to get you some. So you were set. What a great time!
Auntie Alberta with her sister-in-law Doris, and brother-in-law and sister Cephus and Ann
Family
Cousin Debbie with her great niece
Cousin Lou with her granddaughter
Cousins
You with Auntie Ann
Cousins Corey and Derek at our table
All of our tables
Pappy's brothers, Uncle George and Uncle John
Pappy's other brother, Uncle Henry with Uncle George
What a great family time and a special surprise...for me anyway. Glad you got to see them as well and make memories. Love you!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Getting Ready for Christmas
Dear Mom,
It's Christmas time again. I can't believe it's here again, I love this time of year! I must say it's been a little hard this year, really missing pappy so much more this year for some reason, and having you be even a little more different than even last year. But you definitely have this childlike innocence and excitement. I decided to do what I did last year, by putting the old Christmas tree upstairs, while I kept our new one downstairs, since that's the one we put the presents under. So, right after Thanksgiving, I pretty much just dragged the old tree upstairs and put it in the living room. It is one of those pre-lit trees, so I just added a few ornaments to it. I hadn't even finished putting ornaments on it yet. But you have been raving about that tree! You sit in the living room and just praise me for doing such a great job on the tree. You ask me how I got all the lights put on it and I tell you they already came on the tree, which seems to impress you even more. You tell me you didn't know that, but of course you do since you were there when we chose it years ago. I almost think if you knew how you would call the local station to have them come over and check out our amazing tree. You keep talking about people coming over so they can see it. You even told your sister who is from Virginia,that she needs to come see the tree. That would be a long trip to see a pre-lit, slightly crooked, barely decorated tree, that has bare spots from where I haven't or haven't been able to fluff it back out so it looks full!
But I'm very glad you like it so much. Sometimes you just sit in the living room to enjoy it. I did finally buy some different blinged-out ornaments to put on the tree. So, it's sort of getting there, but if you love it....well that's good enough for me. I decorated the tree downstairs a little more to my liking. 
Since it is another pre-lit tree, but this one with white lights, I can find neat colors to decorate with. A friend from church decorated her tree in purple this year, she recently became a Christian and wanted the tree to reflect royalty since she is a child of the King. I loved that idea, so was looking to do the same thing, but didn't find that nice dark purple color (our favorite color). But I did find a nice color and some pretty ornaments that I really like. So I sit downstairs and enjoy looking at that one. 
Your other excitement has come from the packages that have been arriving at the house. I took advantage of some online sales over Thanksgiving weekend and on Cyber Monday. Two came a couple of days ago and you kept asking what was in them, but I told you they were for Christmas so I probably was not going to open them. Of course you asked about three more times after that. Then you said you were going to take your bath, but told me not to open them until you came back out. You mentioned that a couple of times as well. Yesterday another package came, and once again you wanted to know what was in it. I told you again I wasn't opening it yet. So, whenever you're not looking I hide the packages in the guest room. That works, because when you don't see them you forget about them. I haven't even looked at the packages, because some of them are for me, and even though I bought them and know what they are, waiting until Christmas to see them in person will be fun. That way we can both have something under the tree. Then of course I will have to make sure Bella has some things too. I haven't done a whole lot this year, but I did get both trees up. I have to admit I hadn't really been ready to decorate much, mostly because our temperatures have been so warm lately (50's and 60's). So, it's been hard to get into the spirit, plus it's different decorating by myself. I do hope to do a few more things, but we're getting there...getting ready. I would definitely like to be sure to get the nativity scene out. That's the joy of this time of year, remembering the birth of Christ. As we remember that special time, I hope to make some special memories with you during this Christmas time. I love you!
It's Christmas time again. I can't believe it's here again, I love this time of year! I must say it's been a little hard this year, really missing pappy so much more this year for some reason, and having you be even a little more different than even last year. But you definitely have this childlike innocence and excitement. I decided to do what I did last year, by putting the old Christmas tree upstairs, while I kept our new one downstairs, since that's the one we put the presents under. So, right after Thanksgiving, I pretty much just dragged the old tree upstairs and put it in the living room. It is one of those pre-lit trees, so I just added a few ornaments to it. I hadn't even finished putting ornaments on it yet. But you have been raving about that tree! You sit in the living room and just praise me for doing such a great job on the tree. You ask me how I got all the lights put on it and I tell you they already came on the tree, which seems to impress you even more. You tell me you didn't know that, but of course you do since you were there when we chose it years ago. I almost think if you knew how you would call the local station to have them come over and check out our amazing tree. You keep talking about people coming over so they can see it. You even told your sister who is from Virginia,that she needs to come see the tree. That would be a long trip to see a pre-lit, slightly crooked, barely decorated tree, that has bare spots from where I haven't or haven't been able to fluff it back out so it looks full!
But I'm very glad you like it so much. Sometimes you just sit in the living room to enjoy it. I did finally buy some different blinged-out ornaments to put on the tree. So, it's sort of getting there, but if you love it....well that's good enough for me. I decorated the tree downstairs a little more to my liking. 
Since it is another pre-lit tree, but this one with white lights, I can find neat colors to decorate with. A friend from church decorated her tree in purple this year, she recently became a Christian and wanted the tree to reflect royalty since she is a child of the King. I loved that idea, so was looking to do the same thing, but didn't find that nice dark purple color (our favorite color). But I did find a nice color and some pretty ornaments that I really like. So I sit downstairs and enjoy looking at that one. 
Your other excitement has come from the packages that have been arriving at the house. I took advantage of some online sales over Thanksgiving weekend and on Cyber Monday. Two came a couple of days ago and you kept asking what was in them, but I told you they were for Christmas so I probably was not going to open them. Of course you asked about three more times after that. Then you said you were going to take your bath, but told me not to open them until you came back out. You mentioned that a couple of times as well. Yesterday another package came, and once again you wanted to know what was in it. I told you again I wasn't opening it yet. So, whenever you're not looking I hide the packages in the guest room. That works, because when you don't see them you forget about them. I haven't even looked at the packages, because some of them are for me, and even though I bought them and know what they are, waiting until Christmas to see them in person will be fun. That way we can both have something under the tree. Then of course I will have to make sure Bella has some things too. I haven't done a whole lot this year, but I did get both trees up. I have to admit I hadn't really been ready to decorate much, mostly because our temperatures have been so warm lately (50's and 60's). So, it's been hard to get into the spirit, plus it's different decorating by myself. I do hope to do a few more things, but we're getting there...getting ready. I would definitely like to be sure to get the nativity scene out. That's the joy of this time of year, remembering the birth of Christ. As we remember that special time, I hope to make some special memories with you during this Christmas time. I love you!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Tired....Emotional
Dear Mom,
It has been pretty rough lately. I think I'm just tired and run down. The running around has definitely started again. And you have become a bit more clingy, which for some reason has become hard for me. Whether it's coming into the living room while I am trying to get a little nap in, to "talk" to me. Or whether it's coming downstairs to sit for a little while with me while I try to relax, get on the computer, and watch some TV. It usually doesn't last long because you love your Hallmark channel and I am usually watching something else that you get tired of sooner or later. But while you're down here I am not able to write these notes to you, or other things because I can't use the computer. You have been wanting to go with me more if I am going someplace or getting something quickly, you want to come at least just sit in the car. So, maybe it's just losing a little of that independence that I was used to having that is hard for me. I also think part of it is emotions. This year for some reason, more than the past couple of years, I have really been missing pappy. Last week, during Thanksgiving break, I was playing bowling on the Wii, and I did a certain move that reminded me of him. You know that was his game and he was great at it. He would do this little move to the side and kinda let out a little "oohh", as he hoped to make a spare. That's what I did. Lou Rawls came on the radio singing a Christmas song the other night and I choked up remembering how everyone used to say pappy looked like him. I heard Ray Charles singing "The Spirit of Christmas", again it brought me to tears. The first time I heard that song, I have to say, I kinda didn't like it and made fun of it. But the other night I just enjoyed his distinctive voice, and the sweet message of the song. It reminded me of when I was little and pappy gave me his 8-track player and one of the 8-track tapes was Ray Charles, and my favorite song was "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay". Such memories. I have heard some other Christmas songs talking of families and treasuring those moments and it makes me think of you and pappy. I am so glad that I didn't take Christmas 2007 for granted, and made him the special picture of Big Papi that he really liked. I just don't want to get so worn out and worn down that I don't enjoy this time with you! I feel guilty thinking that I want more "me" time, but then again I also know I need it. Last night, you were just sitting on the edge of your bed, when I asked you what you were doing you said, "I'm just looking at my husband's picture." Then you broke down on my shoulder. I tried to stay strong for you, but we both cried. You said, "Sometimes I just need to cry." I told you I agreed because you don't normally do that. I did cry, but held back, then when I took Bella out, I really let myself cry. It's just been so tough. You had a rough morning this morning. For the second morning in a row you had an accident. I was rushing because I had already gotten a little bit of a late start. I changed the bed, then went to get ready. As I was getting ready, I thought I heard you call me. I went to the bathroom to see what was wrong. You were sitting on the toilet seat putting your clothes on. You were trying to pull up your stockings, but had leaned over and couldn't get yourself back up. I sat you up, but you still seemed pretty weak. I helped you get your stockings up, your socks on and your pants up as well. I also got a drink of water for you because you just seemed so weak. At that point, I just texted the school secretary to tell her I was going to be late to school. I probably would have just taken the day off if I weren't subbing for someone. But once you had the water you seemed better. I made you drink the whole cup. You were finally able to get up, but I wasn't leaving you until after you had eaten breakfast and were safely back in bed, and I made sure you were really OK. I made breakfast for both of us, watched you get back in bed and finally finished getting ready. Thankfully you did fine the rest of the day! I called to check on you and when I did you told me the homemaker/companion was there. That also made me feel better. I got home in the afternoon and you were your normal self. We had a good night, you ate a good dinner and you of course had to have your dessert, but this time I had apple pie to go with your ice cream. Of course you were pretty excited about that! I'm glad to see you doing better tonight. Although I'm a bit tired and emotional, I don't want to miss any special times with you! I hope through the emotions and tough times, we will have a wonderful holiday season together. I don't want to take one moment for granted. I love you!
It has been pretty rough lately. I think I'm just tired and run down. The running around has definitely started again. And you have become a bit more clingy, which for some reason has become hard for me. Whether it's coming into the living room while I am trying to get a little nap in, to "talk" to me. Or whether it's coming downstairs to sit for a little while with me while I try to relax, get on the computer, and watch some TV. It usually doesn't last long because you love your Hallmark channel and I am usually watching something else that you get tired of sooner or later. But while you're down here I am not able to write these notes to you, or other things because I can't use the computer. You have been wanting to go with me more if I am going someplace or getting something quickly, you want to come at least just sit in the car. So, maybe it's just losing a little of that independence that I was used to having that is hard for me. I also think part of it is emotions. This year for some reason, more than the past couple of years, I have really been missing pappy. Last week, during Thanksgiving break, I was playing bowling on the Wii, and I did a certain move that reminded me of him. You know that was his game and he was great at it. He would do this little move to the side and kinda let out a little "oohh", as he hoped to make a spare. That's what I did. Lou Rawls came on the radio singing a Christmas song the other night and I choked up remembering how everyone used to say pappy looked like him. I heard Ray Charles singing "The Spirit of Christmas", again it brought me to tears. The first time I heard that song, I have to say, I kinda didn't like it and made fun of it. But the other night I just enjoyed his distinctive voice, and the sweet message of the song. It reminded me of when I was little and pappy gave me his 8-track player and one of the 8-track tapes was Ray Charles, and my favorite song was "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay". Such memories. I have heard some other Christmas songs talking of families and treasuring those moments and it makes me think of you and pappy. I am so glad that I didn't take Christmas 2007 for granted, and made him the special picture of Big Papi that he really liked. I just don't want to get so worn out and worn down that I don't enjoy this time with you! I feel guilty thinking that I want more "me" time, but then again I also know I need it. Last night, you were just sitting on the edge of your bed, when I asked you what you were doing you said, "I'm just looking at my husband's picture." Then you broke down on my shoulder. I tried to stay strong for you, but we both cried. You said, "Sometimes I just need to cry." I told you I agreed because you don't normally do that. I did cry, but held back, then when I took Bella out, I really let myself cry. It's just been so tough. You had a rough morning this morning. For the second morning in a row you had an accident. I was rushing because I had already gotten a little bit of a late start. I changed the bed, then went to get ready. As I was getting ready, I thought I heard you call me. I went to the bathroom to see what was wrong. You were sitting on the toilet seat putting your clothes on. You were trying to pull up your stockings, but had leaned over and couldn't get yourself back up. I sat you up, but you still seemed pretty weak. I helped you get your stockings up, your socks on and your pants up as well. I also got a drink of water for you because you just seemed so weak. At that point, I just texted the school secretary to tell her I was going to be late to school. I probably would have just taken the day off if I weren't subbing for someone. But once you had the water you seemed better. I made you drink the whole cup. You were finally able to get up, but I wasn't leaving you until after you had eaten breakfast and were safely back in bed, and I made sure you were really OK. I made breakfast for both of us, watched you get back in bed and finally finished getting ready. Thankfully you did fine the rest of the day! I called to check on you and when I did you told me the homemaker/companion was there. That also made me feel better. I got home in the afternoon and you were your normal self. We had a good night, you ate a good dinner and you of course had to have your dessert, but this time I had apple pie to go with your ice cream. Of course you were pretty excited about that! I'm glad to see you doing better tonight. Although I'm a bit tired and emotional, I don't want to miss any special times with you! I hope through the emotions and tough times, we will have a wonderful holiday season together. I don't want to take one moment for granted. I love you!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Thanksgiving
Dear Mom,
Happy Thanksgiving! Yes, can you believe it? It's already Thanksgiving! Of course you have been watching the Hallmark Channel all the time and they have been doing all Christmas shows, so you thought it was already over. This morning as we ate breakfast and watched the Thanksgiving Day Parade, you probably asked me 5 or 6 times if it was Thanksgiving. So, 5 or 6 times I told you yes, yes it is Thanksgiving. We enjoyed our breakfast of cereal, egg sandwich, and even a piece of cream cheese filled braided bread. We both really enjoyed it, and both snuck a little extra piece after. We relaxed for a little bit, then got ready to go meet Auntie Ann and Uncle Cephus at Hometown Buffet. We got there about the same time as cousin Karen, and Uncle Cephus, Auntie Ann, and Yvonne were already inside the door waiting for us. We went in and were surprised that the line was as long as it was. The place was pretty crowded. You weren't feeling up to walking around and just wanted me to get your food for you. You ate well! You had chicken, lasagna, sweet potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and a roll. When you finished that plate, I asked you if you wanted something else and you said a little something. So for your second round you had a slice of pizza and a cinnamon roll. Although I'm not the biggest fan of Hometown Buffet, I was just glad to eat some things that I liked. Since I'm not the biggest turkey eater. I had pizza, lasagna, fish, sweet potatoes, french fries, and a roll. On my second round, I had more fish, and some tortillas with meat, cheese, pico de gallo and corn and onions on top. By then, I was pretty full. You said you were too, but must have mentioned 2 or 3 times that you wanted your ice cream! You are so funny! No matter how full you are you have to have your ice cream. I got you ice cream and some apple strudel. I had the cherry pie with some ice cream. By then we were definitely stuffed. We had such a great time with the family...so many laughs! At one point in the meal you were getting a little warm, I told you that you better not pass out on me. You looked at Uncle Cephus and asked if he would save you, He said of course, I'll throw a glass of cold water in your face! We had a good laugh. Then you and Auntie Ann were cracking up about something, but I had no clue why. It was just great to see you laugh and enjoy yourself and eat so well. Yvonne, Karen, and I had some great laughs too. And I introduced them both to Angry Birds, they both enjoyed it, but Karen was really getting into it, and was threatening to keep my phone. We gave hugs and thanks and said goodbye and headed home. As we were leaving the driveway I looked across the street to see a long line of people with tents and chairs outside of Best Buy. I had to drive over there to get a closer look. It was crazy! It was also so strange to see everything closed down, even McDonald's. We were both surprised by that. When we got home I went to down to play on the Wii and you came down and watched for a little bit, before going to get your pj's on. You were excited to be able to watch Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. You don't ever watch those anymore because you always have the Hallmark Channel on. Not long after that, guess what you asked for? Yup, you guessed it...ice cream! So, cf course you did have more, lol. I'm so thankful for a good day with you, though you don't really remember it. I have great memories! I love you!
Happy Thanksgiving! Yes, can you believe it? It's already Thanksgiving! Of course you have been watching the Hallmark Channel all the time and they have been doing all Christmas shows, so you thought it was already over. This morning as we ate breakfast and watched the Thanksgiving Day Parade, you probably asked me 5 or 6 times if it was Thanksgiving. So, 5 or 6 times I told you yes, yes it is Thanksgiving. We enjoyed our breakfast of cereal, egg sandwich, and even a piece of cream cheese filled braided bread. We both really enjoyed it, and both snuck a little extra piece after. We relaxed for a little bit, then got ready to go meet Auntie Ann and Uncle Cephus at Hometown Buffet. We got there about the same time as cousin Karen, and Uncle Cephus, Auntie Ann, and Yvonne were already inside the door waiting for us. We went in and were surprised that the line was as long as it was. The place was pretty crowded. You weren't feeling up to walking around and just wanted me to get your food for you. You ate well! You had chicken, lasagna, sweet potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and a roll. When you finished that plate, I asked you if you wanted something else and you said a little something. So for your second round you had a slice of pizza and a cinnamon roll. Although I'm not the biggest fan of Hometown Buffet, I was just glad to eat some things that I liked. Since I'm not the biggest turkey eater. I had pizza, lasagna, fish, sweet potatoes, french fries, and a roll. On my second round, I had more fish, and some tortillas with meat, cheese, pico de gallo and corn and onions on top. By then, I was pretty full. You said you were too, but must have mentioned 2 or 3 times that you wanted your ice cream! You are so funny! No matter how full you are you have to have your ice cream. I got you ice cream and some apple strudel. I had the cherry pie with some ice cream. By then we were definitely stuffed. We had such a great time with the family...so many laughs! At one point in the meal you were getting a little warm, I told you that you better not pass out on me. You looked at Uncle Cephus and asked if he would save you, He said of course, I'll throw a glass of cold water in your face! We had a good laugh. Then you and Auntie Ann were cracking up about something, but I had no clue why. It was just great to see you laugh and enjoy yourself and eat so well. Yvonne, Karen, and I had some great laughs too. And I introduced them both to Angry Birds, they both enjoyed it, but Karen was really getting into it, and was threatening to keep my phone. We gave hugs and thanks and said goodbye and headed home. As we were leaving the driveway I looked across the street to see a long line of people with tents and chairs outside of Best Buy. I had to drive over there to get a closer look. It was crazy! It was also so strange to see everything closed down, even McDonald's. We were both surprised by that. When we got home I went to down to play on the Wii and you came down and watched for a little bit, before going to get your pj's on. You were excited to be able to watch Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. You don't ever watch those anymore because you always have the Hallmark Channel on. Not long after that, guess what you asked for? Yup, you guessed it...ice cream! So, cf course you did have more, lol. I'm so thankful for a good day with you, though you don't really remember it. I have great memories! I love you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)